Why you shouldn’t rush into your 20s
As young people, we face a lot of pressure – both from our elders and society at large – to “succeed”. Whether that means securing a high-paying job, a spouse or even a child, it’s all too easy to let other people’s expectations become the invisible hand that guides your decisions. Over the years, I’ve seen more than a few of my contemporaries make rash decisions because of this anxiety and I’ve definitely made a couple myself.
It’s an uncomfortable feeling, but you don’t have to give in to it. While everyone else is trying to be the early bird, here’s my case for traversing your 20s like a stately, jewel-encrusted tortoise.
Life under pressure
Scrolling through your Facebook feed, you see that girl you went to high school with has just bought a house. Another of your erstwhile peers just had a baby. Someone else got their law degree. Suddenly, your parents’ voices are in your head, telling you to get on with it: finish school, sort your shit out and give us a grandchild, dammit.
Living with this kind of societal pressure can do quite a number on your self-esteem. You see friends and classmates seemingly “ahead” of you in life, and you feel like a slacker, an underachiever. You feel like you need to play catch up – and fast.
Some might say that this is just natural, healthy motivation; part of growing up. But I think that this pressure to mature often leads young people to a dangerous line of thought: “I have no idea what I want, I just know that I have to get it as quickly as possible.” I believe that this attitude not only leads to much unhappiness, but that it’s the ill-begotten demon-seed from which all midlife crises spring.
Speaking of which, what about the older people, the folk we young’uns turn to for advice? Surely they know a thing or two about life?
Well, some of them do. Some of them are full of shit.
The imitation game
People use a lot of things to try and “complete” themselves. Some use their career; some use their partner. Others purchase designer goods with the acquisitive fervour of a shopping mall sparrow. Whatever their brand of existential band-aid, these people are usually convinced that their way is the best way and they will not hesitate to try to convince others.
This can make getting advice a little tricky, because delusional people love giving advice. It gives them a chance to reinforce their fantasies by repackaging them as altruistic wisdom. If they can convince you of the correctness of their life decisions, it helps them to convince themselves just that little bit more. (“Listen kid, you need to get yourself into print media. I’ve been in print media all my life, and look at me now!” *screams internally*)
My point is, the people to whom you go for guidance are often feeling the same pressure that you are: to look like they have their shit together. And whether it’s affected or not, people tend to sound incredibly certain when dispensing advice, which can give a false sense of rightness to their words. For the millennial who’s already feeling a little lost, this might be all it takes to lead them astray. So, when taking serious advice on life and love etcetera, never skimp on the grain of salt.
There’s no Google Maps for life
I’m not trying to tell you that settling down and starting a family is always a gigantic mistake that destroys lives and kicks puppies. And I’m not saying that all middle-aged people are delusional old coots who secretly hate themselves. I’m just saying that figuring out what you want in life is far more important than pretending to already have it, and that other people’s recipes for happiness aren’t likely to suit your tastes.
No one else in the universe – not your friends, not your parents, not Pope Fucking Francis – will have to live with your decisions as fully and as inescapably as you will. Even those who have known you for your entire life cannot tell you how to be happy. Only you can know these things and I urge you to figure them out before rushing off to the chapel, home loan office, or nursery (And yes, I know you can’t, like, run out to a nursery and grab yourself a kid – figure of speech, guys).
Whatever you do, do it at your own pace. Let the early birds get their societally sanctioned worms.
You’re a jewelled goddamn tortoise.
Joel Svensson
Business major, journalism minor and freelance writer, Joel pretends to be clever at La Trobe University in Melbourne.