Why you shouldn’t be ashamed of your first-world problems
It’s a common occurrence these days to hear a friend or family member complain about something trivial, only to be shut down with cries of “first world problem!” While this is a way to put mundane problems into perspective, I’ve often seen it used far more callously, particularly online.
In discussions about sexism, it’s not rare for me to see some hero compare being called a “slut” to being subjected to FGM in impoverished African nations. Whenever the hot-button topic of PTSD trigger warnings surfaces, there’s an inevitable call for people to “harden up” – after all, it’s not like they’re a war veteran suffering from “real” PTSD!
Whatever the context, the message is always the same: "if you're not in mortal danger, stop complaining."
The thing is, people don’t quite work that way; human experience is not a binary between abject suffering and total euphoria. There is plenty of grey between these two extremes, and it’s within that grey that most of us live.
[quote]It’s as if the guilt of living in a privileged nation compels us to feel cynical about each other’s needs, as well as our own.[/quote]
As every business student is tired of hearing, human needs tend to follow a hierarchy, first outlined by Abraham Maslow in 1943. The first layer is physiological (food, air, water etc.) followed by safety (personal and financial security, freedom from violence), followed by love and belonging, then esteem, and finally self-actualisation.
But the people who scoff at FWPs seem to act like Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs stops halfway up the pyramid. Apparently, once you’ve secured your physiological and safety needs, you can have no problems worth mentioning. And I fear that many of us are internalising this attitude.
When speaking with my therapist a while back, she told me that almost everyone she sees apologises for “complaining", despite the fact that they’re paying good money to have someone listen to their problems. I’ve caught myself doing the same thing a dozen times while in session. It’s as if the guilt of living in a privileged nation compels us to feel cynical about each other’s needs, as well as our own.
But how is not acknowledging our problems going to help those with more extreme troubles? What good are any of us going to be if we fall in a heap, weighed down with problems that were “too small” to deal with?
Sure, freedom from things like starvation, poverty and oppression is probably something a lot of us take for granted. But being cynical isn’t the same as being grateful. And it’s hard to be grateful when you’re limping along with only your basic needs met, angry at yourself for wanting more. If you ask me, self-neglect and gratitude make poor bedfellows. If you want to practice gratitude, you need to first acknowledge your own pain and needs.
[quote]Sometimes we need our pain acknowledged. Sometimes we need understanding and compassion rather than cynicism or judgement.[/quote]
Sweeping your problems under the Rug of Unimportance won’t make you more grateful. Instead, it reduces your capacity for patience and caring, since now you have to distract yourself from all those “unimportant” problems cluttering up your life. I believe it is these distractions, these false needs, which feed our guilt and make us cynical. Distractions like gossip, workaholism, material excess or even substance abuse.
Healthy relationships, a sense of belonging and self-worth are all important factors for happiness. The things that stand in the way of these needs – things like sexism, racism and mental health issues – need to be addressed, not dismissed. Sometimes we need our pain acknowledged. Sometimes we need understanding and compassion rather than cynicism or judgement.
Of course we should be grateful for what we have. But that shouldn’t blind us to our problems, nor those of our peers. If you’re in pain, don’t let the cynics convince you it’s not important – they can’t live your life for you, so they don’t get a say.
Joel Svensson
Business major, journalism minor and sometime voice-actor, Joel Svensson pretends to be smart at La Trobe University in Melbourne.