Why being alone on Valentine’s Day is totally underrated
Are you desperately swiping right on your Tinder profile or flicking through the thousands of eligible people on eHarmony in time for February 14? Have you finally decided that this will be the year when you’ll be spending Valentine’s Day with someone special? Have years of watching The Notebook made you believe that pure and eternal love is possible? Dream no more, because, perhaps, the best date is one you can make while alone.
The antiquated notions of Valentine’s Day
The very idea of being someone’s Valentine or searching for someone to be your Valentine means nothing unless they want you to be their “Valentine”. If you need to fill a certain kind of criteria (for example, buying you chocolate/flowers/a gift, go on a “romantic” date), to have a mutually enjoyable time, then that isn’t love: that’s a business transaction. Love isn’t something you give dispassionately. It is something you share not only with another person, but firstly with yourself.
You are the best person in your life
Whether it’s doing, being or thinking something you’ve never done before, some of the best things you can do are the things you can do alone. Being alone doesn’t mean you need to drown your sorrows in alcohol or binge-eating or watching. Instead, you can focus on doing things to acknowledge your achievements and unique traits. For instance, look at the awards or creations of your childhood. Even if you’re alone, it doesn’t mean you have to be lonely.
Lust disguised as love
The very fact that Fifty Shades of Grey was released for Valentine’s Day shows how warped and confused our perception of “love” has become with lust. Not only can this keep people in unhealthy or abusive relationships, but it places a lot more expectations on the sexual aspects, and leads to neglect of the emotional parts. As much as lust or intimacy is glorified by the media, being alone is a time to re-evaluate what you may want from your next connection.
A time to grow
Even simply looking back through some of your memories on your social network shows how much you’ve grown, and also provides you an opportunity to look over the mistakes you’ve made. This could include how you may have dealt with problems in relationships before, but should also focus on the high points, whether it be a particular period of time when you’re happy or major achievements.
Allow yourself to be spoilt
A key part of a relationship is being in sync with the other person’s rhythms. However, something that’s often forgotten in the process is understanding and satisfying your own needs and desires. As much as a romance is a time of indulging in pleasure, it’s equally a time of simply being with another person and understanding their potential flaws. While the beats of enjoyment and leisure have been transformed by high school and university, perhaps it’s time to look at trying to find a healthy balance to benefit you before it can benefit others.
Be yourself
While Valentine’s Day places so much importance on being ready to provide love or care to someone else for a particular day, sometimes you’re just not ready. Above all else, never rush yourself into a situation where you aren’t comfortable. More than anything else, being alone is the perfect time to become familiar in your own skin. You should never feel the need to conform to any preconceptions about romance, love or sex.
In conclusion, there’s nothing wrong if you find yourself without a date when Valentine’s Day rolls around, and neither should it be an indication of you. Instead of feeling lonely, make the most of the time you have alone.
Matthew Sims
Matthew Sims is completing a Bachelor of Journalism at Monash University, with a passion for film, TV, and the arts.