Who Will Win The Battle For ‘Adam Scott’ Of Our Hearts?

Sorry, we cannot have two of these things.

by Rob Moran 15 April 2013

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The English language is incredibly rich and diverse. For example, the Oxford Dictionary contains 171,476 words in current use, 47,156 obsolete words, and 9,500 derivatives. We need this many words so that we can effectively communicate with each other, otherwise stupid things happen, like you’ll be out partying with your friends and one of them says, “Oh shit, it’s almost night time!” and then another friend mysteriously disappears for a couple of hours only to re-emerge wearing a suit of armour. These things need to be avoided.

Further example: Earlier today, Aussie golfer Adam Scott won the US Masters. Apparently, it’s a big deal. He scored a cool jacket and everything. For those of us who consider sport (or at least golf, anyway) a silly distraction from important things like TV and cartoons, this is potentially troublesome. Until now, the words “Adam Scott” have most prominently been used when we’re sitting around watching the comedy hit Parks And Recreation and our girlfriends randomly yell insensitive things like “Argh, I’d totally f**k Adam Scott!”

We need to address this confusing situation before it goes any further. There can be only one Adam Scott, and today we will decide who it will be. The loser will just have to change their name to ‘Odam Scatt’ or ‘Sadam Cott’ or something.

1. Google search results

Let’s just begin with the most basic of argument settlers, shall we?

‘Adam Scott – Actor’ returns “about 37,700,000 results (0.41 seconds)”
‘Adam Scott – Golfer’ returns “about 9,650,000 results (0.43 seconds)”

Winner: Adam Scott (comedy)

2. Interview technique

Adam Scott (golf): “Golf, golf, golf, greens, birdies, putts, fairway, golf, golf, golf.”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eCRovBZ5o7E&feature=youtu.be

Adam Scott (comedy): FUNNY STORY ABOUT DELIVERING PIZZA TO STONERS.

Winner: Adam Scott (comedy)

3. Style

Adam Scott (golfer) is regularly spotted wearing colourful collared shirts, beige pants, baseball caps and cleats.

Just ignore that red line, please. [Source: Mike Powell for Golf.com]

Adam Scott (comedy) is regularly spotted wearing colourful collared shirts, skinny ties, and a beige Harrington jacket.

Now that’s how you wear beige.

Oh fashion, such a fine line between being dubbed “a style icon” and looking like a banker on his day off.

Winner: Adam Scott (comedy)

4. Last paycheck

This one is difficult to answer, since Adam Scott’s (comedy) bank details are not publically available and we are not hackers. But let’s try to figure this out using the Sherlock-ian deduction skills we’ve learnt from watching Elementary. According to the website Celebrity Net Worth, Adam’s Parks And Recreation co-star Nick Offerman makes “$30,000 per episode”. Since Offerman’s ‘Ron Swanson’ is the most beloved breakout star from the show, we’ll just assume he re-negotiated his contract recently via a meritocratic pay-scale. This would mean that Adam Scott (comedy) made about $20,000 from his last paycheck.

Adam Scott (golf) just won a purse of $1,440,000. (geez, what a waste of maths time that was).

Winner: Adam Scott (golf)

5. Last note they’ve been associated with

Here’s the original casting call sheet from The Office that Rainn Wilson put up on his Facebook page a couple of weeks ago, indicating that Adam Scott (comedy) was initially in the running to play Jim. Obviously, he didn’t get that job.

Here’s Adam Scott’s (golf) winning Masters scorecard, with his seven-figure prize money included across the top.

Winner: Adam Scott (golf)

6. Private life

In addition to being a fictional dreamboat, Adam Scott (comedy) has been in a long-term loving relationship (to the same woman!) for at least eight years now (her name is Naomi, they married in 2005). He also has two cute kids named Frankie and Graham. Here’s a picture of them doing fun family things.

What a family. [Image via The Hollywood Reporter]

Adam Scott (golfer) used to date former tennis world No. 1, Ana Ivanovic. According to an incredibly sad Wikipedia entry, they separated in September 2010 after Ivanovic’s “poor on-court form led her to slide down her rankings.” The pair subsequently reunited in 2011, before splitting up one year later, for presumably the exact same reason.