While You Were Sleeping, Everyone Else Was Watching James Franco Getting Publicly Insulted

James Franco + endless jokes about his squinty eyes and sexual ambiguity = ratings gold?

Almost 3.1 million Americans watched last night’s telecast of Comedy Central’s The Roast Of James Franco, making it the roastiest roast that’s ever roasted (well, besides the Charlie Sheen roast, which was almost doubly roastier). Because Comedy Central don’t know how to make highlight reels, here are about 500 clips of some of the best bits, and by ‘best bits’ we mean lots of odd jokes about James Franco, uh, blowing guys and reading a lot.

If you’re one of the fancy folk with Foxtel, you can catch the whole thing on The Comedy Channel on Friday at 8:30pm.

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Almost everyone pirated the Homeland Season Three premiere, too

Like sobby children tugging at their mother’s hemlines, people just can’t seem to wait patiently for things these days, he wrote while violently slurping the world’s hottest cup of black coffee (ouch, holy shit, I hate you freshly-boiled water).

According to TorrentFreak, downloads of Homeland‘s upcoming Season Three opener reached “in excess of 100,000 copies during the first few hours” after the episode’s leak. While screener DVDs were passed around to critics last month, the upload (a ‘workprint’ missing SFX and title credits) apparently comes from a post-production facility. Anti-piracy cops are reportedly investigating the source, which means some poor fool’s gonna go to jail and miss out on their child’s first laugh and first steps, all because of television.

The season opener officially premieres in the US on Showtime on September 29 (Network Ten still haven’t confirmed a return date), which is approximately four weeks after it’s premiered in everyone’s bedroom.

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Zac Efron plays an incredible asshole in Neighbours

Not to be confused with John Belushi’s classic curtain-closer or that local soap opera with Toadie, Neighbours is a Nicholas Stoller-directed (Forgetting Sarah Marshall, The Five-Year Engagement) comedy starring Zac Efron, Christopher Mintz-Plasse and Dave Franco as a bunch of obnoxious frat-boys who move into a house next door to Seth Rogen and Rose Byrne, a newly-wed couple with a new baby. And cue outrageous shenanigans!

You’ll have to wait till May 2014 for more of that kinda airbag-explodin’ excitement.

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Here’s Moby and Wayne Coyne wearing mariachi suits and getting chased by dancing ghosts and gimps in a scene straight outta your dreams, ya creeps

But maybe watch it with the volume all the way down, ’cause that tune is total garbage.

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