While You Were Sleeping, A Volcano Was Exploding Very Close To Spock

Watch Michael Shannon Say “Stupid Fucking Ass Hats”:

Late last week, an executive of the Delta Gamma sorority at the University of Maryland wrote an extremely unhinged and cuss-filled email to her entire chapter, complaining about how bad the girls were at talking to boys. Published in full by Gawker, it included phrases like “cunt punt” and “stupid fucking ass hats”: “I do not give a flying fuck … about how much you fucking love to talk to your sisters. You have 361 days out of the fucking year to talk to sisters, and this week is NOT, I fucking repeat NOT ONE OF THEM. Are you people fucking retarded? That’s not a rhetorical question, I LITERALLY want you to email me back telling me if you’re mentally slow so I can make sure you don’t go to anymore night time events.”

The email was 900 words in all, which is a lot of time to spend reading swears. So let Acadamy Award-nominated Michael Shannon, from TV’s Boardwalk Empire, help you out:

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Reece Witherspoon: “I clearly had one drink too many”

After her husband, casting agent Jim Toth, was arrested at 3.30am on Friday morning for DUI, Reece Witherspoon exited the car and started behaving like a drunk idiot, arguing that she was a “U.S. citizen” and was allowed to “stand on American ground” and “Don’t you know who I am?” and “You’re going to be on national news!” Even her mug shot was bratty. (And also somehow quite pretty and demure?)

Witherspoon has now issued a statement through her rep: “Out of respect for the ongoing legal situation, I cannot comment on everything that is being reported right now. But I do want to say, I clearly had one drink too many and I am deeply embarrassed about the things I said,” she says. “It was definitely a scary situation and I was frightened for my husband, but that is no excuse. I was disrespectful to the officer who was just doing his job. The words I used that night definitely do not reflect who I am. I have nothing but respect for the police and I’m very sorry for my behavior.” (via People)

Here’s The First Clip From Star Trek Into Darkness:

“Shut up, Spock! We’re trying to save you, dammit!”

Star Trek Into Darkness comes out on May 9; J.J Abrams, Chris Pine, Zachary Quinto and Karl Urban will be at the film’s premiere gala in Sydney today, and spent yesterday hanging out with surfboards.

News Reader Fired After Being Terrible At News Reading:

A.J. Clemente was the internet’s new hero yesterday, after footage emerged of the rookie news anchor’s first ever TV appearance, on KFYR-TV. (NB: He wasn’t saying “gay”; he was trying to pronounce the name of the London Marathon winner, Tsegaye Kebede.)

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Not the best first day on the job, as Clemente himself conceded.

But did he deserve to be fired? “Unfortunately KFYRTV has decided to let me go,” he tweeted overnight. “Thank you to them and everyone in ND for the opportunity and everyone for the support.” 

Because Twitter is how it is, #TeamAJ has rallied around Clemente, lobbying the network to allow him the error and take him back. But as lovely as all the support is, it doesn’t seem to be working.