TV

Which American Political TV Show Is The American Political TV Show For You?

We’ve consulted the constituents, read the fine print, negotiated a few compromises, and readied our vote.

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Just as no Australian has ever referred to Canberra as “cutting-edge,” “cool” or “titillating,” you’d be hard-pressed to find an American who finds Washington, D.C. seductive. It’s teeming with tobacco lobbyists, rampant crime, dingy federal office buildings and old men who look like turtles – not exactly a recipe for sexy fun times.

But TV producers have a singular way of dolling up dross and turning it into appointment viewing (hey, Honey Boo-Boo!). They don’t see a White House. They see white lines on the President’s desk. Those aren’t senators and congressmen. They’re liars, cheats, criminals and murderers. You say Beltway? They say boobies!

To them, it’s a city riddled with potential plot lines, and ripe for parody. Which is why three of the most talked-about shows on TV right now are playing politics to great acclaim. But how worthy are they, and which one’s for you? We’ve consulted the constituents, read the fine print, negotiated a few compromises, and readied our vote.

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SCANDAL

Status: Not currently airing locally, but Season Two is expected to return to Channel 7 later in the year. Alternatively, just go online and find it (though we’ll deny we ever suggested that).

What it’s about: Well. Ostensibly, it’s about hard-charging professional “fixer” Olivia Pope (Kerry Washington) and the ragtag team of employees she hustles into action each week at Pope & Associates, the crisis-management firm she heads in Washington, D.C. But really, there’s so much more to this weekly dose of WTF. Scandal logs a lot of hours in the West Wing, where Republican President Fitzgerald Grant (Tony Goldwyn) balances maintaining order over his high-strung staffers, appeasing his First Lady Macbeth of a wife Mellie, and trying to keep his weiner in his pants every time Olivia charges in on “business” (they’re on-again/off-again lovers). The soon-to-air second season features an assassination attempt, a massive electoral cover-up, and that guy who played Noel on Felicity. Like we said, WTF.

Marquee star: Washington, who was last seen being whipped, dragged, beaten and sizzling naked in an underground metal box in Django Unchained.

Actual star: Terrific character actor Jeff Perry, who plays Cyrus Vance, the President’s constantly exasperated chief of staff who’s a) gay, b) kind of a sociopath, and c) quite the rose gardener.

Who’s watching it: Women who dig Olivia’s fierce wardrobe; gay men who dig Olivia’s fierce wardrobe; and wayward Revenge addicts who gave up on its brain-busting, byzantine “plots” (if you can even call them that) months ago. That show makes no sense.

Sex-to-politics ratio: 60/40. Not every episode features a sex scene, but the ones that do? Aaron Spelling territory.

The one thing you’ll absolutely love: Watching Olivia mop the floor with anyone who questions her judgment via one of those over-the-top, verbose monologues that nobody in real life has the energy to deliver.

The one thing that will drive you absolutely mad: See above. Good God, woman, refill that Xanax script already!

But wait a minute, I don’t understand American politics. Will I still like it? Doesn’t matter, this thing’s a soap opera. Scandal eschews DC drudgery for fast-moving plots, well-drawn supporting characters, and lots of heavy breathing. 

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VEEP

Status: Season Two just started airing on Mondays at 4:45 pm and 8:00 pm on Foxtel’s showcase

What it’s about: The sad, lonely, empty and inadvertently hilarious day-to-day grind of the American vice-presidency as experienced by Selina Meyer (Julia Louis-Dreyfus), a not-particularly-bright former senator and presidential candidate who’s been given the job as consolation. (Those of us on the left side of the aisle might also think of it as a spine-chilling glimpse into a world where “Vice President Sarah Palin” is an actual thing).

Marquee star: Louis-Dreyfus, the five-time Emmy winner (she’s already earned a gong for Veep) who does aggravation better – and more hilariously – than just about anyone on TV.

Actual star: Sufe Bradshaw, who plays Selina’s executive assistant Sue, the glaring, take-no-prisoners gatekeeper whose unflappability is matched only by her unwillingness to crack a smile. Ever.

Who’s watching it: Critics. Fans of “uncomfortable” comedy (see: The Comeback, The Office). But mostly critics.

Sex-to-politics ratio: Two seasons in and nobody’s so much as made a pass. Which is probably a good thing; you don’t really want to see most of these actors with their shirts off.

The one thing you’ll absolutely love: Watching Selina fall into a pit – often of her own making – and cringing as her semi-competent staffers inevitably fail to pull her out of it.

The one thing that will drive you absolutely mad: You thought Amour was claustrophobic? Veep is set almost entirely within the stuffy, soul-destroying antechamber attached to Meyer’s office. Ugly desks, ugly silk plants, ugly phones, ugly lamps, ugly people and one seriously ugly wooden wall-hanging shaped like the state of Maryland.

But wait a minute, I don’t understand American politics. Will I still like it? It’s a toss-up. You don’t really need to grasp the minutiae of Yankee governance to find humour in watching a bunch of self-absorbed “professionals” fall apart at every turn. That said, Veep isn’t for everybody. You have to adapt to its rhythms (this isn’t a LOLOL kind of show) and accept it’s built on a hopeless premise: that this is almost certainly the best job Selina will ever have (which, considering her portfolio boasts sleep-inducing tasks like filibuster reform and D-list receiving lines, truly is bleak).

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HOUSE OF CARDS

Status: Premieres Tuesday May 7 at 8:30 pm on Foxtel’s showcase

What it’s about: Capitol Hill’s favourite pastime: that addictive, endorphin-elevating bloodsport they call vengeance. In this first ever series from US-based streaming content provider Netflix, Congressman and House Majority Whip Frank “Francis” Underwood (Kevin Spacey), a silky-smooth charmer from South Carolina, loses his marbles after being denied the previously promised post of Secretary of State. But rather than explode in a fit of self-defeating rage, he puts into motion an intricate, devious plan – aided by his equally ambitious wife Clair (Robin Wright) and a weaselly young newspaper reporter (Kate “Sister of Rooney” Mara) – to systematically ruin the lives of everyone who’s crossed him.

Marquee star: Spacey, who’s firmly in the sleaze sector where he belongs for the first time in ages. It’s almost enough to make you forget Pay It Forward. And K-PAX. And The Life Of David Gale. And Beyond The Sea. And…

Actual star: Robin Wright, Robin Wright’s wardrobe, and Robin Wright’s hair.

Who’s watching it: [raises fist and shakes it violently] ALL OF THOSE BLOODY AMERICANS WHO HAVE ACCESS TO NICE, SHINY WEBSITES LIKE NETFLIX AND HULU, WHICH STILL AREN’T LEGALLY AVAILABLE AND HAVE NO EQUAL IN THIS GODFORSAKEN COUNTRY, THAT’S WHO!

Sex-to-politics ratio: 20/80. And to be honest, the little sex on offer ain’t that titillating. Kevin Spacey and Kate Mara having rough, transactional, up-against-the-wall quickies in a mouldy railroad apartment? Nobody’s turned on.

The one thing you’ll absolutely love: Robin Wright’s hair. It bears repeating.

The one thing that will drive you absolutely mad: There are two, actually: 1) Unless you’re a vegetarian – and, quite possibly, even if you are – you’ll be salivating over the ribs Francis eats when he visits his favourite D.C. BBQ joint in nearly every episode; and 2) Francis often breaks the fourth wall to drawl a pithy aside or two. Some may find this device disconcerting and not entirely necessary, but as the series grows darker, it offers some welcome bits of levity.

But wait a minute, I don’t understand American politics. Will I still like it? You don’t need to understand American politics to understand that watching bad people do very bad things to other bad people can be a serious lot of fun. That said, don’t watch this when you’re tired: the gloomy surrounds, oddly muted soundtrack, and twisty plot evolution require your full attention (so no watching with the smartphone in your other hand).

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Nicholas Fonseca is the acting deputy editor of Madison, and a (sometime) master of film studies student at the University of Sydney. Prior to arriving in Sydney, Nicholas was based in New York City, where he worked for a decade as a writer and senior editor for Entertainment Weekly