Culture

Welcome To The Next Four Years: A Sad, Sleep-Deprived Recap Of Trump’s Inauguration

Can't believe Joe Biden tried to wrestle the mic off him. Actually that might have been a dream.

by Tom Clift  21 January 2017

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Although it’s been more than two months since Donald Trump won the election, I think for a lot of people (including myself) it still hasn’t really sunk in. With Obama still in the White House, I’ve kind of been able to convince myself that it was all some weird dream. For his part, post-election Trump has behaved pretty much the same as pre-election Trump, in that he seems to spend most of his time whinging about Alec Baldwin on Twitter.

But not anymore. As of 4am AEST this morning, Donald J. Trump is President of the United States. There was no last minute twist or intervention. Joe Biden didn’t chopper in and seize the presidency for himself, and Trump didn’t tear his face off, Mission: Impossible style, to reveal that he’s actually been Ken Bone all along. Oh man, remember when Ken Bone was a thing? Simpler times.

The ceremony itself was a fairly unremarkable affair. The crowd appeared to be significantly smaller than it was for Obama back in ’09, but what it lacked in numbers it made up for in bright red hats. The podium in front of the Capitol building, meanwhile, was packed with familiar faces, from Michelle Obama to Trump’s creepy adult children. As a former first lady, Hillary Clinton was also in attendance, which cannot have been particularly fun.

There were songs and speeches and readings from the bible, and then incoming Vice President Mike Pence took the oath of office and I threw up a little bit in my mouth.

More singing. A Mormon choir. And then the big moment. God, is this man capable of not looking smug?

Trump got stuck into his speech and as if on cue it started to rain. Was it a sign? I reckon it was a sign. Poor George W. Bush struggled with his plastic poncho. Incidentally, how telling is it that I’m starting to feel genuinely nostalgic for that man?

Despite the weather, Trump soldiered on. His speech (which you can read in full here) was packed with the kind of rhetoric that catapulted him to the presidency in the first place. Tough on crime. Tough on immigration. Wipe out “radical Islamic terrorism”. He also pledged to put America first at all times. “We will follow two simple rules – buy American and hire American.”

Still, the most prominent theme, which ran throughout the speech from start to finish, was the idea of giving power back to the people. “For too long, a small group in our nation’s capital has reaped the rewards of government while the people have borne the cost,” Trump said. “Washington flourished, but the people did not share in its wealth. Politicians prospered, but the jobs left. And the factories closed.”

“We will no longer accept politicians who are all talk and no action, constantly complaining but never doing anything about it. The time for empty talk is over. Now arrives the hour of action.”

It’d almost be inspiring, until you remember all the billionaires in his cabinet.

Also he sniffed. A lot.

And there you have it. Personally, I’m feeling a mix of fear and confusion, although that might just be because I stayed awake to watch this stupid ceremony and am in desperate need of sleep. Or maybe this is just what it feels like all the time now that Trump is in charge. WHO KNOWS?!

Just wake me up in 2020, yeah?