Ruh-Oh, Toto Albanese Has Started Writing For The ‘Daily Telegraph’

The Prime Minister’s dog Toto Albanese has delved into the world of creative prose after the Daily Telegraph gave her a column in the newspaper.

Australia’s First Dog, or ‘Canine Commander in Chief’, was granted the gift of a voice on Monday in a piece titled ‘Inside the new prime ministership’. The article, ghostwritten by Editor-at-Large Matthew Benns, reflected on life in the dog house after Anthony Albanese became Australia’s 31st Prime Minister after May’s Federal Election.

However, it only took three sentences for the column to get really weird, and make reference to the Prime Minister’s sex life.

“I know she comes over for sleepovers and for some reason I get kicked off the bed and the bedroom door is closed but that in no way relegates my importance in his life,” said Toto, of the Prime Minister’s girlfriend Jodie Haydon. “I was there through the hard times, the chubby pre-makeover years of divorce, faction fighting and the Labor wilderness. It is me, Toto, who knows the real Albo.”

The column delved into Albanese’s recent diplomatic trips to Japan and Indonesia, moving out of their Marrickville home in Sydney, and being pap snapped in the PM’s pyjamas. It also picked beef with former Prime Minister Scott Morrison’s pet Buddy — who also dabbled in a column for the paper last year — by joking that the Morrison pooch had “left half hidden piles of sh** everywhere for me to discover and clean up”.

good to see australian news media giving young and emerging writers a chance

— cammyboo AO (@cameronwilson) June 13, 2022

Toto was first thrust into the limelight after a random university student made the cavoodle a Twitter account with a cringe DoggoLingo tone that left the poor pup exposed to the mean underbelly of the World Wide Web. It wasn’t the only time Toto has been bullied for simply existing — last month, the Prime Minister personally called Pauline Hanson after her online web series misrepresented Toto as a ‘vicious’ dog.