It’s Time We Talk About That Absolutely Feral Walking Tongue Tooheys Beer Ad

Australia’s had some pretty iconic ads in its time.

Every Aussie knows to not chop the dinosaur whenever we grab a bag of Natural Confectionary Co. lollies, we can all recite the Reading Writing Hotline phone number off by heart thanks to their catchy jingle and, for those who are still single, finding a love like AAMI’s Ketut and Rhonda is the ultimate goal.

But while we had some bangers, there have been some highly questionable ads that were so horrifying that they’ve been seared into our brains forever. And I know after you read that line, one ad in particular came to mind: That absolutely feral walking tongue ad for Tooheys Extra Dry from 2003.

Yes, THAT ad where a tongue escapes from a mans sleeping mouth to gatecrash a party in search of an ice cold extra dry beer. Disgusting areas.

Now there are a lot of things wrong with the minute-long ad… and the person who came up with it, the team who approved it, the animator who designed it and editor who stitched the whole thing together.

First and foremost, why does this exist at all? Honestly, how high was the person who pitched this idea in the content meeting?

“Guys, hear me out. Picture this: We make an alcoholic’s tongue run through the dirty streets to find beer, so that the man can sadly drink in the dark while his girlfriend is fast asleep next to him.” Um?????? OK???

There is a lot to unpack about what happens in the ad itself too, beyond the horrifying general concept. Like, how much of an undiagnosed alcoholic must you be for your own tongue to crave beer to the point that it’ll risk getting run over, being eaten by a cat or picking up an infection off the road? Seriously, who craves the yeasty beverage that much without having a real problem.

Also, how bad a deep sleeper must you be to not feel your tongue literally disconnect from your mouth until it returns with an ice cold bottle of booze? How did he not wake up from the sound of a booming party happening across the road, but his tongue did?

Seriously, the tongue exits that mans mouth, runs across his chest, moves across the rough sheets, “walks” on the dirty pavement, onto the road and into a party full of randoms, which means guaranteed sticky floors. Climbing up the stairs via the railing, which is easily the dirtiest part of the entire house, the tongue then sits on top of a dirty record that’s spinning, hops across a fabric couch and finally goes swimming in the bathtub of beer to find the perfect one.

At this point the tongue is taking the absolute piss. There was no need to touch the record and walk along the couch. Those little detours added absolutely nothing to the tongue’s beer-hunting journey. Plus diving into the bathtub would’ve easily contaminated the ice and bottles for everyone else who actually was invited to the party. It’s like a person licking the floor for three hours, then deciding to drink from your water bottle just to backwash. Feral.

Plus, you really mean to tell me that in this entire jam-packed house party, not a single person is alarmed by the literal tongue that has disconnected itself from a human and has the capabilities to move, and worse, actually hold things three times it size? Totally normal Friday night, I guess.

Now I will give props where they are due and say the song selection of Benny Benassi’s ‘Satisfaction’ was great, but that’s where the compliments stop. I need whoever thought of this ad to seek help and never make another. Immediately.