Film

Tom Holland Is Cherrk

He is Cherrk.

by Joseph Earp  24 December 2020
Tom Holland is Cherrk

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There are too many movies these days.

Living in the streaming era means that you can’t turn around without bumping into some A-list star-studded project that sounds like the fake movie within a movie in which a washed-up Ben Stiller tries to juggle stardom while maintaining custody of his unruly but surprisingly wise two children.

I mean, remember the Robert Downey Jr. Dr. Dolittle reboot that ends with the titular character removing a hardened object from the anus of a dragon voiced by character actor Frances de la Tour? How about the submarine dad drama starring Tom Hanks and named after a dog? Or Wild Mountain Thyme the Jamie Dornan and Emily Blunt-led stroke-addled rom-com that ends with, uh, a bold twist.

It’s not that these movies are necessarily good or bad. It’s that the very second they are released onto an unsuspecting public, they no longer exist. It is against the law to think about A Quiet Place 2 — did it ever come out? Did we all see it? Did nobody see it? Literally not a single person on the planet knows.

Anyway, that’s all to explain the shrugging nonchalance of the internet when it was revealed this morning that Tom Holland was to star in an Apple Original Film called, uh, Cherrk. Or, depending how you look at it, maybe Cherrrk? Cherek?

Not that the mystery lasted for very long. As was quickly discovered, the film is actually titled Cherry — it was a mere misprint on the poster that led to the beautiful mash-up of Holland’s serious face and what can only be described as a series of elongated, scrambled glyphs.

But would any of us really be surprised if it was called Cherrk? Would that not precisely fit with the surplus of entertainment that we must gaze down the gaping maw of every day? Is it really so different to calling your film Mr Magorium’s Wonder Emporium? Or Chaos Walking, a Very Real Tom Holland film that will probably surprise-drop on a streaming service within three months and will be gone instantly from the minds of the 70 billion people who will be reported as gazing in its vague direction occasionally while it plays in the background during another day in an era in which Content Is Everything, which only means that Content Is Nothing?

I don’t fucken’ know anymore. Here are some Cherrk memes.

Cherrk.