Today, In Worst TV Idea Ever, A Danish Show In Which A Couple Of Old Dudes Critique Naked Women
And we thought local breakfast television was bad.
So, Thomas Blachman seems like a cool guy. The Danish jazz musician and X-Factor host has a new TV show titled Blachman, and the premise is pretty straightforward: women come into his studio and strip down in front of him and a friend, who then critique their naked bodies.
Blachman, who himself has the raw animal sexuality of a bald Boris Johnson or possibly Gary Sweet gone to seed, said that the show is about “discussing the aesthetics of a female body without allowing the conversation to become pornographic or politically correct”.
The following promo for the show features Blachman and his friend ‘Ludwig Van Matt Preston’ sitting on a leather chair sneering and gesticulating at a nearby woman. It covers her breasts with black boxes, because this is tasteful shit, but if you want to, you can see her in the buff (somewhere, out there).
Defending the show, Blachman insisted that it was all good, because women are lining up to be judged. “The female body thirsts for words,” he said. “The words of a man. And they went for it.” Your female body may well thirst for a stiff drink after reading that.
The internet has been quick to dispense justice on Blachman, criticising the show for its howlingly misogynist schtick. It has been called ‘the most sexist TV show in history‘. Apparently, Thomas Blachman is currently in hiding in his New York home.
Judging people, specifically women, on their bodies, is hardly a new TV trope: America’s Next Top Model has been doing it cycle after cycle at this point. Even so, Blachman takes the trend to a smarmy new low. The show was so clearly intended to be provocative — ‘provocative’, in its modern usage, meaning behaving like a complete and utter shithead in order to get attention — that getting angry about it feels like playing right into its hands.
So what constitutes an appropriate response to Blachman? Allow this cat to demonstrate:
BONUS ROUND: I tried to visit his personal website, but it plays some kind of smooth jazz at you, and I only lasted a few seconds before I was out. Maybe you can do better. Tell us how long you lasted in the comments.
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Alasdair Duncan is an author, freelance writer and video game-lover who has had work published in Crikey, The Drum, The Brag, Beat, Rip It Up, The Music Network, Rave Magazine, AXN Cult and Star Observer.