Film

Literally A Bunch Of Memes About How Ant-Man Should Defeat Thanos By Crawling Up His Ass

"ur tellin me in the 14 million futures Dr. Strange saw not one of them was Ant-Man crawling up Thanos' ass?"

by Joseph Earp  29 March 2019
Avengers: End Game Thanos and Ant-Man theory

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There’s really no way around this, so we might as well cut right to the chase: ahead of the release of Avengers: Endgame, the internet has decided that the only way we’re all prepared to see Thanos die is if Ant Man shrinks down, crawls into the baddies’ asshole, and then turns back into regular size.

Now, I’ll admit, if you’re off this particular ideological train, then you’re off it pretty quickly. But let me, if I may, try to bring you around.

Thanos, as we know, is one of the most powerful beings in the galaxy. He was extremely powerful even before he collected the Infinity Gauntlet and its requisite Infinity Stones, and he’s even more powerful after it. With a single click of his fingers, he can reduce some of the most powerful heroes in the galaxy into a pile of dust, and an entire cinema-worth of children into bawling, popcorn-studded messes.

But Thanos is humanoid, and like all humanoid creatures he has one fatal flaw. And no, it’s not hubris, but instead his unguarded and vulnerable anus.

Yes, like the thermal port on the Death Star, Thanos’ butthole is a severe design oversight in an otherwise impeccable bit of impenetrable architecture, simply waiting for a small man — perhaps the size of an ant — to crawl into it and then press a handy button that returns him to normal size, shattering the intergalactic despot in the process.

This novel defeat has been circulating on the internet for over a year — Paul Rudd even referenced it in July 2018, when he expressed doubts as to whether the method would even sufficiently dispatch the tyrant. But, ahead of the release of Avengers: Endgame, the Thanos’ butt theory, or TBT, is firmly back in vogue.

Anyway, just as we demanded that Netflix should let us force Bear Grylls to drink piss in his forthcoming interactive special, so too do we hereby formally contest that Marvel should, and let me be completely clear about this, allow their big bad to be defeated by Paul Rudd climbing directly into his anus.

Nothing more needs to be said.

Avengers: Endgame will be in cinemas 24th April, 2019