Culture

The Teletubbies Announced That They’re Vaccinated And The News Has Broken Everyone’s Brains

The way the Teletubbies have been vaccinated before most Australians...

by Michelle Rennex  9 July 2021
Teletubbies Vaccinated Memes reactions

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If life wasn’t already confusing enough, the Teletubbies have announced that they’re fully vaccinated in time for a “Tubby hot summer”.

To announce the news, the official Teletubbies Twitter account shared photos of Po, Tinky Winky, Dipsy and Laa-Laa standing with their “COVID-19 Vaccination Tubby Cards” to prove they were vaxxed with either “AstraTubbica” or “Noo-nson & Noo-nson”.

“We’re all vaxxed! Just in time for a Tubby hot summer. Who’s ready to come out and play,” the tweet read with cards that showed that the four Tubs got their first jabs on July 1 at the Home Dome Clinic, and plan to get their second on July 22.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. Firstly, and understandably, what the fuck?

Secondly, yes that is a second dose signed off and recorded about two weeks in advance making this vaccination card a forgery. Thirdly, you are right. The real-world Johnson & Johnson vaccine that Noo-nson & Noo-nson is based on doesn’t actually require two doses.

Also, why are the British Teletubbies using American format for dates?! And how were Po, Tinky Winky, Dipsy and Laa-Laa all born on the same day in 2003 when the program started in 1997?! Nothing makes sense.

And if you’re confused, trust me — you’re not the only one. No one can quite wrap their head around the Teletubbies getting vaccinated against a disease that apparently also exists in the Teletubby world. Unless… the Teletubbies actually exist on Earth… at the same time we exist… and are apparently susceptible to the same diseases as humans… despite being 10-foot tall furry alien creatures.

As Twitter user @bread157 noticed after further dissecting these cursed vaccination cards, the fact that the Teletubbies are patients 93752 to 93755 means there are at least 93,000 other creatures in front of them who received a jab against COVID.

It also appears that capitalism is a thing in the Home Dome because Noo-nson & Noo-nson and AstraTubica hints to pharmaceutical companies existing in the Teletubby world.

Not only that but the presence of a TDC stamp on the top of each card implies that there is a “Teletubby Disease Control” organisation modeled after the US Centre for Disease Control and Prevention meaning the Tubs probably have likely also struggled through other epidemics like Ebola and Swine Flu.

In conclusion, the whole thing is fucked — and people are really struggling to wrap their heads around the baffling announcement that the Teletubbies have been vaccinated.

But strangely it’s not the fact that the Teletubbies are clearly using black market vaccines, lying about their ages, and forging their vaccination cards that are the biggest shocks here.

It’s that if four fictional, 10-foot tall monsters somehow finding a way to get vaccinated wasn’t bad enough, the whole thing is actually just a very depressing reminder that the Teletubbies were able to get vaxxed before the majority of Australians have been able to.

You hate to see it.