Study Finds Manspreading Is Attractive, Legitimises Other Gross Male Behaviours As Secret Turn Ons
Burping often and without warning, as if to expel your poisonous male dominance into the air.
Sure, science has given us semi-useful things like ‘lightbulbs’ and ‘medicine’, but sometimes it reinforces social messages that we’d rather ignore. This week U.C. Berkley published a paper called Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences which examined how body language can affect a person’s perceived attractiveness, and the findings were illuminating (but, in a bad way).
The study used speed dating to determine how men and women (the sexual orientation of the participants wasn’t specified) responded to potential partners with “open postures” who spread out their legs and took up as much room as possible. Shockingly to anyone who has spent at least 10 consecutive minutes on public transport, they found that 87 percent of the men who received yeses, were manspreading to high heaven.
#manspreading in #melbourne #ptv pic.twitter.com/A0CrDzFQmf
— Dani Pohn (@pony_dani) March 17, 2015
No! How can this be? If manspreading — a clear indicator of male douchery to people of all genders and sexual orientations — can be deemed attractive, where do you cross the line when it comes to other disgusting male behaviours? Maybe everyone needs to prepare for this.
Formerly repulsive male behaviours that may now be deemed as attractive:
– Burping often and without warning, as if to expel your poisonous male dominance into the air.
– An inability to move debris that may be concealing the thing that you have spent 30 seconds looking for, because your hands are clenched in a permanent manly fist.
– Employing a casual dismissiveness by not remembering anyone’s names, including your name, because forgetting everything is super cool.
– Texting ‘Cool, let’s meet up later on’ while knowing that you have no intention of being found for the next 12 hours.
– Eating a souvlaki on public transport.
– Letting your stubble get to the point where they’re like little spears of patriarchy.
– Wearing a cologne that smells like wood chips, but refusing to ever go camping.
– Explaining how to feminism.
“I am a male.”