Question: is there any point to studying if you don’t eat while doing it? The answer: no.

I know this because the only reason I study is because I know I can get away with eating gnarly, bizarre food that doesn’t exist in real time. Food you can only excuse yourself for eating if you justify it as fuel for an essay.

The following is a list of all real things that have been consumed by a student in the dead of night, or really, really early in the morning (those 8am deadlines, yo!).

#1 Cereal 

It doesn’t matter what kind. There is something so comforting about lapping up that sugary milk like an adult-sized cat when it’s 9:15pm and you’re only 150 words into something that literally has to be 10 times longer than that.

The thing about cereal is that it is typically a breakfast food, so it reminds you of the sweet, blank slate of every new morning. So, if you eat it at night, you feel comforted and deluded into thinking that everything will be fine, and that tomorrow is a new day without the consequences of the past.

Recommended: Crunchy Nut — the MVP of a literature review due in the next 20 minutes.

#2 Energy Drinks 

Everyone knows that episode of The Inbetweeners with Will and the energy drinks, so don’t overdo it or your heart (and pants) might explode.

But on every can of Red Bull, it does say that is is for study sessions. When have energy drink manufacturers ever lied to consumers?

Recommended: Anything that is the colour blue. What is the flavour of blue things? Can anyone tell me what exactly blue Gatorade tastes like? Who knows!

#3 Toast (Also Including Ridiculous Sandwiches)

You know that it’s bad when you’re at the “buttered toast” phase, and someone is like, “Oh, what are you putting on that toast?” And you say, “Nothing. I am putting nothing on this toast because life is meaningless and if I fail this subject I’ll have to do an extra semester. I don’t DESERVE Nutella. I don’t even fuck with Vegemite at this stage.”

There is also the yin to this yang, which is going completely over the top, and making a sandwich of which the proportions of each ingredient far outweighs the study that you have done that afternoon. Example: I once wrote 50 words in two hours, and had a sandwich with white bread, butter, nutella, peanut butter, jam, half a banana and some sprinkles.

Recommended: Not the above dessert sandwich, but something simple like warm chicken.

#4 Corn Chips 

This part is honestly just an ode to Mexicana Doritos — the unsung study heroes. I enjoy that it says on the packet “tooth-rattling crunch” because my whole skeleton is rattling in fear of flunking a class by the time I crack these open.

They’re not spicy, they’re not too cheesy, they leave a lot of residue all over the pages of your notes, but there are million of ‘em if you scrunch the packet with your hands before consuming. Sometimes, I use these as a reward mechanism — by the time I finish this full, family-sized packet, I will have finished my essay too.

Recommended: Eat these in bed. You’ve already lost, honestly.

#5 Literally Anything That Is Not A Fruit Or A Nut

Pretty simple! You don’t want to actually help your own body, do you? No! That’s why you have left all of this study to the last minute, and why your jaw muscles are hard as rocks after clenching them for 10 hours straight! Why would you actively try to help your own self, now?

Recommended: Things that LOOK like fruit, but are not: Strawberries ‘n’ creams, pineapple chunks, Party Mix but just with fruits.

This is by no means an exhaustive list, but it’s a good start for that horrific moment when you’re only halfway through that tunnel with no light at the end. Happy exam period!

(Lead image: 30 Rock/NBC)