Culture

A Fond Look Back At One Of The Earliest Cursed Viral Videos, ‘Shoes’

"I'm gonna betchlap you, shetbag."

by Michelle Rennex  28 November 2019

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‘Shoes’ by Kelly is one of those videos that will be seared in your memory forever.

As one of the first truly viral videos on the internet, ‘Shoes’ is possibly one of the earliest versions of a meme. Life was pretty simple in 2006 when ‘Shoes’ was released — we could finally sign up for a Facebook account and YouTube had just launched a year prior. The internet world was truly Kelly’s oyster when she dropped the shoe-loving track.

But despite it being sung in high schools across the world for a good two years, no one ever seems to remember the masterpiece that was ‘Shoes’.

Oh My God, Shoes

The premise for ‘Shoes’ is pretty simple. Kelly loves shoes so she decides to sing about them. The lyrics aren’t complicated and are quite repetitive, but the storyline is actually captivating. A cinematic masterpiece, perhaps.

The video opens with Kelly and her twin brother celebrating their birthday with their mum and dad. They start to open their gifts and her brother goes first. He gets a new computer and a car, how lovely!

But when Kelly opens hers she finds out she’s been given a purple stuffed dragon. Wow Kelly’s family fucking hate her, honestly.

In what is arguably the greatest line in YouTube history, Kelly’s mother asks her “What did you expect? Con-dams?” and I still lose my shit over this line.

Kelly follows this with the words that every kid, tween, teen and young adult repeated throughout 2006 and 2007: “I’m gonna betchslap you shetbag”. It really isn’t funny in hindsight, but 13 years ago it really was the funniest thing on the internet.

Anyway, Kelly storms out because she’s obviously had enough of her family’s shit, her mum calls her a whore, and Kelly goes on her shoe-buying adventure. Everyone tells Kelly she has too many shoes but she doesn’t care and tells them all to “shut up” and the video continues.

Something I didn’t remember, however, is the super demonic and incredibly cursed scene that happens when a retail worker tells Kelly that her feet are too big. The pair start fighting, Kelly screams “fuck you”, the dragon appears out of nowhere, there’s a fire-spinning hula hoop scene, strange video effects and a weird electronic break down. It all ends with a pool party and more fire as the music plays out.

The Production, The Impact

Considering it was released 13 years ago, the production value for ‘Shoes’ was insane, which may well account for its success. The early days of YouTube we’re unlike what we have today. Most videos were just uploaded straight from phones or cameras to the site meaning when something quality popped up, it really took over the site much like ‘Lazy Sunday‘ did.

There was SO much effort put into this 2006 video. The constant cut away shots, the swipe transitions, the colouration of the dance scenes, the multiple characters – truly so much work for so early in the internet.

Created, performed and produced by comedian Liam Kyle Sullivan, Liam’s alter-ego Kelly didn’t only star in ‘Shoes’. The follow up video ‘Let Me Borrow That Top‘ also went viral and followed a similar premise. This time instead of shoes, Kelly wanted to borrow her neighbours top and goes to extremes to get it.

While also funny and filled with just as much production effort, ‘Shoes’ was still the original and the superior video.

The Internet That We’ll Forever Miss

Long before the days of YouTube ads, clickbait and sponsored videos, ‘Shoes’ existed. ‘Shoes’ and the sketches by Liam Kyle Sullivan that followed, will live in early YouTube infamy alongside classics like Charlie the Unicorn and Double Rainbow.

Defining what it truly meant for something to go viral, ‘Shoes’ travelled through the internet before social media made ‘going viral’ an every day phenomenon.

In the comments of ‘Shoes’ people share similar sentiments. One person commented that ‘Shoes’ success came “back when YouTube was new and the internet was still figuring itself out.” While another called the masterpiece an absolute classic” and claimed that “YouTube was built on videos like this.”

A defining part of growing up as a millennial, ‘Shoes’ instantly takes you back to the days where the internet was simple and true joy could be found in a three-minute song about shoes. Thirteen years ago our poor, impressionable young minds truly thought that this was the peak of comedy.

But, then again, we’re probably going to look back in another 10 years and question how we ever thought “ok boomer” was ever funny too.