Series Seven Of Skins Is Coming. Let’s Get Speculating.

So the trailer for the upcoming seventh and final series of Skins — or Skins Redux — debuted this week, and the youths are in a frenzy. Not the drugged-out, nympho kind of frenzy, where you accidentally sleep with your teacher and wake up in a field and at least one of your friends is dead, that we know to be so common to Youth Of Today. The regular kind of frenzy.

Since 2007, the UK’s Skins — the sixth season of which is currently airing on SBS2 – has followed the lives of England teens as they go through “college” (which from what this Brisvegan can gather consists of the last two years of high school? Canberra folk, back me up here.) Every two years the cast is completely rebooted, making way for a new generation of miscreant young people hell bent on sleeping with each other and snorting everything in sight. Despite being wildly overwritten, and unrealistic in later seasons, the show has been hugely popular for its considered portrayal of adolescence — and for its unique format. (Naturally, America tried to transplant the show’s magic to its native ground. The results were abysmal, and they cut out all the boobs.)

So, season seven: Effy, Cook and Cassie are back, with each character the focus of a two-episode arc wankily titled ‘Skins Pure’ (Cassie), ‘Skins Rise’ (Cook), and ‘Skins Fire’ (Effy). Effy’s arc even features fan favourites — okay, my favourites — Emily and Naomi, which, OMG. As far as we can gather from the trailer, Cook is up to no good in the ‘hood, and Cassie is beautiful and quirky and dancing (duh), and Effy is – oh wow, is Effy a stockbroker now? Because that is legitimately way more shocking than that time those creepers tried to make Tony have sex with her.

Other than that, there’s not a whole lot in the way of plot for us to speculate over. So, instead, here is what SHOULD happen:

Skins Naomily

Scrap the original concept. I mean, I’ve checked out the casting and Mike Bailey (aka Sid) is a no-show, which means in my opinion we can pretty much write off Cassie’s arc right now. Since Lily Loveless and Kathryn Prescott — aka Naomi and Emily — were available, why not just make the entire series about them? YOU’RE WELCOME WORLD.

Ideas for this series: Emily agrees to have Katie’s baby for her since she can’t have her own, but she and Naomi decide to keep it at the last minute and go on the last run! High stakes! Britney soundtrack ala the time Sid and Tony stole Chris’s coffin! Gold.

Skins Boost

I’ve identified the three most underappreciated Skins characters: teacher-dude Doug, Jal’s brothers (including the white one), and stalker creep Sketch. Give them their own arcs!

Plot points might include: Jal’s dad having to break the news to White Brother that he’s adopted, and Sketch finding a love interest who is even Sketchier than Sketch. Whaaaat! You can do pretty much anything with Doug. You just can’t lose with that guy.

Skins Rebirth

Just when you thought Skins had broached every taboo (Incest! Abortion!), they decide to tackle the final frontier: death. Chris and Freddy are back, and they’re keen for shenanigans! Will Jal be able to overcome her adversion to necrophilia and leave her new concert pianist boyfriend for the always-charming Chris? Will Freddy be able to avenge his death, and stop Effy’s shrink from killing again before it’s too late?!

Only time will tell if Skins Redux, which airs from July 1^st, will live up to the hype. Bringing two characters from the second generation back was an interesting choice; they could easily have integrated Cook into Effy’s arc, or vice versa, and most Skins purists hold fast to the belief that it just doesn’t get any better than generation one. Anyway, there’s one thing I’m sure everyone will agree on: it’s not like it can be any worse than series six.

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Sian Campbell is a Brisbane-bred freelance writer, literature student at The University of Melbourne and co-founding editor of online lit journal Scum Mag. She blogs and tweets and still plays Neopets.