Have you ever wanted to know what it feels like to be Russell Crowe? Well now you sort of can! The star of such films as Gladiator and Romper Stomper is in the final stages of a divorce, and to mark the occasion he’s selling a bunch of his old shit. But this isn’t regular person shit. It’s movie star shit. And now it can be yours.

Ol’ Rusty has enlisted the aid of fancypants auction house Sothebys, which is putting on the sale called ‘Russell Crowe: The Art of Divorce’. The catalogue is an incredible work of art in and of itself, one that positively screams “I am a ridiculous person with too many rooms in my house”.

But that’s nothing compared to the riches that lie within — riches that are expected to bring in close to $3 million when all is said and done. From movie props to sporting memorabilia to vintage guitars (dude’s a rock star, don’t you know) there really is something for everybody with money to burn.

The auction set to take place at Carriageworks in Sydney on April 7, which just so happens to be Rusty’s birthday. And also, weirdly, his wedding anniversary. Dude got married on his birthday, which to be honest does strike me as an extremely Russell Crowe thing to do.

Below, we’ve compiled a list of the ten most ludicrous items on sale. You can check out the full catalogue over at the Sotheby’s website.

A Life-Size Wooden Horse

Estimated Value: $2000-$4000

This two metre tall prop horse was used during the filming of the movie Gladiator. It’s a steal at two grand, and is perfect for anyone who wants to sit on top of a horse and shout “giddy-up, I’m Russell Crowe!” It also pairs nicely with the next item on this lift, which is…

A Fully Functioning Roman Chariot

Estimated Value: $5000-$10,000

Also from Gladiator, this replica of a Roman chariot can be displayed alongside your wooden horse, or used for actual transportation. You’ll be the envy of all your friends as you trundle down to the shops in this iconic movie prop.

19 Different Guitars

Estimated Value: $100,000-$175,000

Just think: soon you could be jamming on a guitar previously jammed on by the 30 Odd Foot of Grunts frontman himself. The most expensive in the collection is an ultra rare accoustic guitar that dates back to the 1870s.

A Leather Jockstrap

Estimated Value: $500-$600

Used during the filming of Cinderalla Man, this leather “boxing protector” is the perfect item for a diehard fan. Wear it, display it, have it cast in bronze — the choice is yours, you weirdo!

 

A Custom-Built Rabbitoh’s Chopper

Estimated Value: $35,000-$45,000

Inspired by Crowe’s beloved rugby league club the South Sydney Rabbitohs, this custom-built motorcycle is styled in the team’s colours and even has ‘rabbit ear’ wheels. It also comes with a custom Rabbitohs construction worker hard hat, for some inexplicable reason (Sotheby’s stresses that it is not a helmet).

A 300-Year-Old Cannon

Estimated Value: $4000-$6000

Why does he ever own this?

The Actual Skull Of An Actual Dinosaur That He Bought Off Leonardo DiCaprio

Estimated Value: $35,000-$40,000

The Platecarpus Ictericus was a giant, serpentine marine reptile that roamed the oceans during the late Cretaceous period, and would no doubt be deeply, deeply embarassed if it knew what became of its head.

A Life-Size Bronze Statue Of Cricketing Legend Don Bradman

Estimated Value: $50,000-$60,000

Russell, why are you like this?

Johnny Cash’s 1986 Grammy Award For Best Spoken Word Album

Estimated Value: $200,000-$300,000

Please stop.

A Seatback With Russell Crowe’s Name On It

Estimated Value: Russell Crowe

A few people laughed, a few people cried. Most people were silent. I remembered the line from the Hindu scripture, the Bhagavad Gita. Vishnu is trying to persuade the Prince that he should do his duty and, to impress him, takes on his multi-armed form and says, “Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds.”

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Images via Sotheby’s Australia.

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Tom Clift is Junkee’s after-hours editor, and tweets at @tom_clift