RuPaul’s Drag Race Recap: Henny Hands Make Light Werk

Oh henny. What an episode! This week’s dramas had more swerves and curves than Latrice Muthafucking Royale.

Whilst not quite “facecrack of the century” status, this was pretty great TV for episode two: multiple dramatic narratives, I.C.O.N.I.C. drag race alum making a guest appearance, a quality challenge, a feel-like-pussy-feel-like-STUNNING runway, and Miss Ciara giving good guest judge.

Did little baby Jesus produce this episode, because it was a christMASC miracle! Let’s dive in, hennnnnnny.

Turning Off The Farrah faucet

The three-act showdown between Gia and Farrah should be on display in the Smithsonian.

From the makeup mirror spat in which Farrah got all meta and named Gia’s strategy to get more screen time, to Gia interrupting Farrah’s one-on-one moment with Monet, and Farrah’s killer exit line: this is beef that takes the cake.

Precisely what we need early in an All Stars season so we can get it out of our system and start focusing on what really matters: Latrice winning, but not without a fight from Valentina.

It is so refreshing to have an All Stars contestant who is there to play the villain. Before Gia Gunn, the closest thing we had to a villain was the blunt and bold Morgan McMichaels (who was booted early then later resurrected by St BenDeLaCreme).

That being said, following Farrah’s farewell, Gia can no longer “poke the care bear.” If she doesn’t have anyone weaker than her to pick on, this fresh tilapia is sure to flounder.

Plus, Trinity has it in for her and I’d back that botched bitch over Gia any day of the week.

The Challenge

This week’s challenge was to form musical supergroups with special guest artiste, the one and only Miss Stacy Layne Matthews. To understand the raw power of Miss Matthews, you need to go back and watch Season Three, which was the first time the cast split into cliques.

Although her fellow Booger, Shangela, often stole the show with her Charisma Uniqueness Nerve and Talent, Stacy proved herself to be the RUNT of the season: Resilient Underdog Narrative Television.

That’s a trick to succeeding on RPDR: if you can’t be the CUNT, be the RUNT. Stacy Layne’s big, back swamp heart made it impossible not to fall in love with her but despite her popularity, Stacy’s RUNT status makes it hard to fit her into an All Stars season as a competitor.

Her guest appearance was, therefore, a fitting tribute – we get a moment to love her again but don’t have to watch her compete and possibly stumble. Her triumph was overcoming obstacles, so putting more in front of her again would be kind of cruel.

Speaking of unnecessary obstacles, when Monique Heart was picking teams this week, I was so confused. She started by picking her Season Ten sister, Monet, and I was all “loyalty is not a terrible quality, good for her.”

Then she picked Naomi and Farrah over Latrice and Manilla and I was all “this bitch has not watched television before?”. But then Ru went and put Naomi and Monet in the top three, so what the fuck do I know?

On the mainstage, it was more Mo’weak Heart than Monique Heart as last week’s top two found herself in the bossy bottom. Like the fabric of her Aaliyah-inspired outfit, Monique’s performance, verse, and leadership were not all star material.

After last week’s bovine on-brand performance, the inconsistent Monique of Season Ten was back, as was her somewhat delusional framing of reality. Monique is loveable, but does she have what it takes to make it past the first few episodes?

Meanwhile, Monet delivered a solid rap performance and showed the perhaps the biggest runway growth of any of the current all stars. It was the redemption moment this Miss Congeniality needed – but now that’s happened, does she need to stick around?

Of all the performances, the most awkward was, of course, Moaner Lisa herself, Farrah. After she went camel toe to toe with Gia, you were most certainly in Farrah’s corner… but her moves on the mainstage were more toddler than tiara, and moving like in front of Ciara? Unforgiveable.

The other team were all superstars, which is perhaps why Manila’s average performance landed her in the bottom three. Her runway look most certainly saved her, but she won’t be able to do that every week. Given the supportive edit Naomi is getting, Manila needs to work to keep the top four odds in her favour.

Meanwhile, Valentina was the breakout star of the group, catapulting her into a well-deserved spot in the top two

You got me, gallery: this week’s runway

 This week’s runway theme was Eleguince After Dark and quite frankly, yes. So much yes.

The Lip Sync and the Lipstick

 There’s no doubt that Valentina won the week, but if you put a Gia Gunn to my head I’d say that was lip sync was a tie. Part of Valentina’s charm is her gazelle-like beauty, but her free-form movement style can be more like a rickety-legged Bambi…like watching the lovechild of Gwyneth Paltrow and Taylor Swift dance at a wedding.

I’m splitting hairs here because Valentina’s looks are straight up dynamite and no matter how she moves, you can’t take your eyes off her face whenever she’s onscreen. Monet brings more narrative and humour to her lip syncs, a sign of someone who knows how to work the small stage of a drag bar, but she doesn’t fill the screen like Valentina.  Valentina was born on the runway and came out ready-for-TV, which is why the camera (and Ru) loves her.

Valentina however needed to win this lip sync, given her infamous exit from Season Nine. That made for a DRAMATIC lipstick reveal: could she really send home her Season Nine frenemy Farrah?

Yes, apparently she could. I gasped, and Ru was shook too. Valentina sent Farrah based on performance, not friendship, which on paper was the right decision. Monique is inconsistent but gives great TV, and thus lived to fight another day.

Next week: SNATCH GAME, with a dating show-style twist! Before than happens, Santa will be coming down our chimneys but remember: naughty boys and girls get given lumps of Ni-coal Paige Brooks. So don’t be shady, be a lady!

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Nic Holas has written for The Guardian, Sydney Morning Herald, Archer Magazine, and Hello Mr. You can find him on Twitter @nicheholas, or in his role as co-founder of HIV movement The Institute of Many.