That Schlong Shaped Rock That Zoomed By Earth May Have Been Aliens Doing A Drive-By
Scientists say it's a "possibility", but then again so is literally anything when it comes to space.
Remember that big weird schlong looking rock that zoomed past Earth at the end of last year? Well, Harvard scientists now reckon it was almost definitely, maybe, extremely possibly an alien scouting device.
This entire article condensed into old-school meme form.
The object, named by space nerds as Oumuamua (meaning “rock I want to smooch smooch”, I assume), did a sneaky drive-by of our planet in late 2017 and originally baffled scientists due to its unusually long cigar-like shape not resembling any asteroid-type body witnessed before.
Cut to today however and this new report written by Shmuel Bialy and Abraham Loeb is suggesting the object might, in fact, be “a fully operational probe sent intentionally to Earth vicinity by an alien civilisation”. Aliens, baby! AWOOOOOOO!
Hubba hubba, let me kiss the space schlong!
The bold new suggestion is informed by analysis of Oumuamua’s bonerific shape and size and the way it appeared to move through space, which the report suggests could be by “being propelled by radiation pressure from the sun”. Whether this is by design (read: aliens) or by some super weird process deep in space (aliens again? maybe!) it’s a yet to be seen concept surrounding how shit possibly moves through space.
Earth scientists have considered the prospect of small slender spacecraft powered purely by existing radiation and light in space but obviously have never gotten close to even conceptualising it, meaning if any of this new report is even close to true then those fucking aliens have one-upped us once again.
Oumuamua has well and truly pissed off back into the inky black nothing by now, so we’ll never be able to fully say whether or not the space schlong was merely a skinny hunk of boring rock or a craft filled with tiny green dudes who got to Earth, rolled down the window for a look, and went “NOPE” before continuing on there way.
Admittedly the report itself never goes further than saying alien involvement in the creation of Oumuamua is a “possibility”, (much like how me finding a loving long-term relationship is a “possibility”), but whatever, make up your own mind, I’m choosing to believe.
Aliens 100% totally did a drive-by, saw how fucking stupid we are, laughed, then peaced the hell out of here. What legends.
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Feature image: Artist’s impression of ‘Oumuamua’, via European Southern Observatory/M. Kornmesser