Can Someone, Anyone Please Explain ‘Red, White & Royal Blue’ To Me?

It must be said that I am gay and I love romantic comedies, but Red, White & Royal Blue makes absolutely no sense to me. Uma Thurman doing a bad Texan accent, unhinged lines of dialogue about rugby and football… who is this film for?

Red, White & Royal Blue (and the book on which it’s based) tells a tropey romantic tale of an English Prince and the son of the US President falling in love, discovering their queerness, and battling the homophobic expectations of the public and those close to them.

Now, as an anti-monarchist and someone who’s against imperialism all around, I could roast Red, White & Royal Blue for a lot. After all, if someone told me that the children of two of the most powerful world leaders were in a relationship and still holding positions of influence within the institutions run by their families, I would consider that cause for alarm, not a win for gay representation. But you do you.

I don’t have it in me to launch such serious critiques because I was too busy being dumbfounded by the film’s dialogue, which will haunt me until my dying day. After Prince Henry and Alex share their first kiss, Alex tells his best friend that when Henry kissed him, he, “understood the difference between rugby and football”. I will hand over my home to the person who can tell me what that means.

At several points in this film, Henry and Alex discuss how vital it is to keep their relationship a secret. Where do these conversations occur? Well one of them happens at a café where they’re surrounded closely by members of the public. Another ”secret” conversation takes place in a busy Texan bar because, you know, these are both great places to loudly discuss how closeted you are and how necessary it is to keep your romantic relationship a secret.

I know romantic comedies tend to be set in idyllic parallel worlds where love can fix just about anything. However, in a post-Meghan-and-Harry-leaving-the-royal-family world, the idea that the second-born son of the British monarchy could be outed as gay and in an interracial relationship with an American and… celebrated with a Pride parade outside the palace? That seems a stretch, even for rom-com world logistics. Not to mention, a little on the nose.

At so many points I found myself asking, who is this for? Royalists who want to feel progressive? Progressives who want to imagine a royal family member who is interesting?

Part of what has always made the royal romance rom-com work is the fish-out-of-water element. In classics of the genre like The Prince and Me, The Princess Diaries, and even Cinderella, what makes the romance compelling is the contrast in class between the lovers. It widens their perspectives and makes them better people. Red, White, & Royal Blue may have ethnic and national differences between its two lovers, but they are both decidedly ruling class. Instead, the film offers an individualistic, toothachingly sweet romance that uses queerness as a rose-coloured lens so we forget the socio-political implications of two major imperial powers quite literally being in bed together.

There was one moment in the film that I did enjoy, however, even if it meant turning my brain off. As someone who grew up crushing hard on Uma Thurman and Ethan Hawke in Gattaca, hearing Miss Thurman, as the President, say, “Well, you know, the B in LGBTQ is not a silent letter” was extremely meaningful. To me, that is cinema. Did it make the rest worth it? I don’t think so.

Junkee acknowledges that actors, writers, and other creatives who worked on Red, White & Royal Blue may be on strike due to the industrial action currently being taken by SAG-AFTRA and WGA. Read more about the strikes here.