TV

A Loving Ode To The Least Practical Motoring Innovations On ‘Pimp My Ride’

Every car needs a fish tank.

Pimp My Ride

Want more Junkee in your life? Sign up to our newsletter, and follow us on Instagram and Facebook so you always know where to find us.

In the early 00s, MTV lost their damn minds and decided to ditch music videos in favour of semi-reality TV shows. And what we got next was a series of iconic shows like Laguna Beach, Cribs, Jackass and the legendary Pimp My Ride.

The host, rapper X-to-the-Z, Xzibit, was a mystical figure who would show up at people’s houses to let them know their dodgy cars were going to be ‘pimped’. Think of him as a rapping fairy godfather, and please enjoy this video of all 72 of his Pimp My Ride intros.

Xzibit would invariably roast the car’s owner before towing their ride to a custom body shop where mechanics would go to work on the cars like a bunch of mad scientists obsessed with putting custom LCD screens on every available surface.

They’d often try to pimp each ride with the owner’s personality in mind. One ‘pimp-ee’ told Xzibit he was proud of his Italian heritage so they put a replica of Michelangelo’s painting from the Sistine Chapel on the ceiling of a panel truck.

Pimp My Ride was a show that kept it classy AF. Each episode ended with a reveal where the owners went berserk while you wondered how long it would take for each car to get stolen.

In honour of one of the most cutting edge television shows on four wheels with gold hub caps and LCD screens on the mud flaps, here’s a look back at the craziest, least useful innovations installed in cars on Pimp My Ride.

A coffin grill

1970 Cadillac Hearse

This hearse has a grill in the back which is great if you want to have a cookout, or need a quick cremation ?

Posted by Pimp My Ride on Wednesday, 28 February 2018

The only time the show got to pimp a hearse and they went all out. What do people most associate with death? Barbecue, of course! The hearse was fitted with a coffin that slid out the back and opened to reveal a grill so the owner could cook for their friends while trying not to think about the fact that death will claim us all one day.

Hot tub

1985 Ford Econoline

This van had a hot tub in it so it was business in the front, and party in the back ?

Posted by Pimp My Ride on Wednesday, 28 February 2018

Waiting in traffic can be stressful, but rather than adding a self-massaging seat, the mechanics decided the best solution was to put a hot tub in a car. People love large bodies of water sloshing around behind them while they drive. Making matters worse they installed a television close to the hot tub to create the ultimate death trap.

Pool table

Don’t you hate it when you want to play pool but the only place to do so is at a rich person’s house or a dive bar? Yeah, same. The solution is obviously to meet halfway and put one in the back of a ute.

Sounds like fun until you realise you have to climb in the front seat to shoot out the back window from the driver’s end. More like a fool table!

A casino

A van became Las Vegas on wheels when the team turned the floor into a craps table and added a roulette table, but that’s not the most insane part of this ride getting pimped. The genius mechanics replaced the van’s backdoor lock with a slot machine. To open the car you have to get a jackpot, which is sure to slow the owner’s escape when the FBI arrives to shut down their illegal casino operation.

Chocolate fountain

With so many great handheld food options you’d think the mechanics would embrace the engineering potential to add something easy to munch on in a car. Nope, nope, nope. Over the seasons they added juicers, fairy floss machines and the most impractical of all: a chocolate fountain. They were wise enough to not put it on the dashboard – who could resist keeping your head out if it? But with liquid chocolate riding in the back, the chance of hitting the breaks too hard and getting a cocoa tsunami was high and icky.

A fireplace

Fire in a moving vehicle, what could possibly go wrong? The car model they work on in this episode is called a ‘Blazer’ so a fireplace is a natural fit until the car actually becomes ablaze.

An aquarium

Sure, SeaWorld’s treatment of fish is dodgy, but Pimp My Ride saw that and was like, “hold my beer”. A Mitsubishi Mirage is fitted with a small aquarium between the backseat that contains gigantic speakers. Judging by the outfit there seems to be no way to easily clean the tank and it boggles the mind they didn’t factor what would happen to those fish on a hot day. The show is set in California, a state built on a desert! RIP Nemo.

Special mention: A snowboard

The mechanics were always pushing the limits of where a screen could be installed in a car, but I guess they grew bored. In one episode featuring a snowboarder their obsession reached beyond the car when they put a screen on a snowboard.

Cameron Williams is a writer and film critic based in Melbourne who occasionally blabs about movies on ABC radio. He has a slight Twitter addiction: @MrCamW.