Gaming

Overwatch Fans Are Horny For Shirtless Torbjörn, Because Of Course They Are

The thirst wants what the thirst wants, and apparently it wants a diminutive middle-aged man with legs the size of tree trunks.

by Amanda Yeo  17 July 2019
Overwatch Summer Games Torbjorn Surf 'n' Splash Skin

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Overwatch‘s latest Torbjörn skin has many players coming to daddy.

First-person murder simulator Overwatch launched its annual Summer Games event today, unleashing a new selection of fair-weather skins, sprays and emotes into the game.

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For the first three weeks of the event, players can earn limited-time skins by winning nine games each week.

The Summer Games also temporarily brings back aggravating soccer mode Lúcioball, which I will definitely not play because it’s like chasing a cat on ice. Overwatch‘s 2019 event is, generally, a good time for all. All except me.

When I first saw Torbjörn’s new Surf ‘n’ Splash Summer Games skin, I knew what was coming. Inevitable, inescapable, the tsunami following the comet. The tide had pulled out and there was nowhere to run, nowhere to hide.

I was the reporter standing on the beach at the end of Deep Impact, trembling and helpless against the advancing wave. And now, it has crashed upon me.

The Surf ‘n’ Splash skin depicts Torbjörn Lindholm, a short, stout, 57-year-old Swedish engineer, dressed for a lovely day out at the beach. Presumably with his wife and children, who I will remind everyone are characters that exist because he is a married man you vultures.

Torbjörn has thongs on his feet and seashells woven through his impressive beard. He carries both a “Duper Damper” water gun and an inflatable novelty hammer. He bears a white smear of sunscreen on his nose.

And he is dressed only in a small pair of blue boardies and an orange bum bag.

Torbjörn’s beach-ready state of undress and glowing farmer’s tan has excited certain Overwatch fans in an unabashedly carnal fashion. Many appreciative admirers have dubbed him a “daddy” in the colloquial sense, and expressed a desire to be hit by his oversized hammer.

I can’t say I understand it. But the thirst wants what the thirst wants, and apparently, it wants a diminutive middle-aged man with waist-length facial hair and legs the size of tree trunks.

Overwatch‘s Summer Games event runs until August 6. Jump on now to grab your daddy Torbjörn, if that’s something that you were after.