An Open Letter To All My Friends Who Keep Bailing Last Minute

Dear flakey friend,

I would like to sincerely thank you for bailing on our plans last minute… again. Because I’m the better friend in all of this (clearly) I’ll take the time (which you couldn’t) to explain the frustration, heartbreak and sadness I’m feeling towards you right now.

Firstly, it took at least two weeks to find a time that worked for everyone. With conflicting uni, work and personal schedules it was a miracle that the group could agree on a suitable day. I swear that the UN has an easier time coordinating meetings. The purpose of this time-intensive negotiation was so that we could all see each other after the summer break – and in this case, celebrate my house warming. I can’t have two housewarmings. But now you’ll complain that you “still haven’t seen my place” and I’ll feel bad about posting cute insta photos (when really I shouldn’t feel guilty about anything at all).

Secondly, I’m broke. Yet, I still went and bought more than enough food for all of us to eat because I am a kind and gracious host. Food is not cheap. Gluten free food, which I bought specifically for you because you’re “celiac”, is especially expensive. However, now I’m stuck with kale chips that I will have to eat because I can’t waste $4.50 on 5g of hard, chewy (but admittedly fibrous) dry leaves. I have no issues spending money on you, but I’d like some consideration in return beyond a “sorry can’t make it” text an hour after you were meant to be here.

There are enough boys ghosting us, we don’t need a gal pal doing it too.

Thirdly, you probably decided when we made those plans that you weren’t coming. We are all accustomed to lurking in the group chat sometimes because uni and work get in the way of great banter (understandable) but when you’re posting a three-minute snap story it seems like you do have the time after all. If you’ve decided it’s too far or too much effort then just say so. There are enough boys ghosting us, we don’t need a gal pal doing it too.

Fourthly, come up with a better excuse. After all the effort, money and time, the absolute least you can do is construct a better excuse than “something’s come up”. Get creative! Don’t limit yourself! You got stung by a bee? You are so badly sunburnt you can’t move? You need to pick up your sister from the airport? These are all real reasons I’ve had to bail but you can fabricate around them if you need inspiration.

In all honesty, if you’d said “I’m just feeling a bit shit tonight so I might stay in”, I’d understand (we’ve all been there). But if you’re bailing to meet a Tinder date you’re “madly in love with” after two weeks then the least you can do is be honest with me. Better to be an honest flake than a lying one.

If we were 18 then maybe it wouldn’t matter as much. We’ve all been young and selfish and silly at times. But we’re older now. Good friends are few and far between and I’m not adverse to calling you out for hurting my feelings. I’m not overreacting or acting with malice. You might think bailing is harmless or that I’ll get over it but it impacts our friendship. Next time you send an apologetic text, or send no excuse at all, maybe reconsider.

Kind Regards,

Danica