Will Poulter Would Be The Eyebrows of ‘The OC’ In 2023
In honour of The OC‘s 20th anniversary, I’ve given a lot of thought to its hypothetical reboot. In all honesty, I think I might be onto something.
If The OC is before your time, that’s okay, because all you need to know is that the crux of the show is much the same as any other teen show: a misfit cast who all hook up with each other and wear enviable ’00s fashion that we’d only dream of copping from the op shop for six bucks on a half-price sticker day. Except The OC is set on the beach, the main character dies, and we had young Adam Brody. It’s also got a great theme song that Japanese Wallpaper covered for triple j Like A Version back in 2019.
What Is The OC About?
The characters are exactly who you’d expect; there’s Sandy Cohen, originally played by Peter Gallagher, who’s a super nice lawyer who spends a lot of time on the phone, loves bagels with cream cheese and surfing instead of working (slay). Sandy’s wife is Kirsten, a nepo baby architect, who I think had a drinking problem but I might be making that up. Their kid is Seth (originally played by Adam Brody) who is a hot, floppy-haired, anti-Newport Beach, gamer artist type with a massive crush on the popular girl, Summer Roberts.
Summer Roberts is The OC version of Blair Waldorf, except she trades in headbands for platform thongs and a flip phone. In the early seasons she’s given a ditzy and mean persona, but she grows into her personality and ultimately becomes an icon. Summer’s best friend is Marissa Cooper (the alleged main character of the show). Marissa is messy, drinks a lot for a 15-year-old and is constantly giving me anxiety — please just chill for one sec girl, I’m stressed!
Marissa’s parents are the most annoying people on the planet. Jimmy and Julie Cooper are so horrifyingly annoying, but also somehow kind of iconic. Jimmy is pathetic, and Julie needs to chill too. The only thing you need to know about them is that Jimmy did some kind of dodgy money-moving to fuel his gambling addiction and everyone in Orange County hates him because he stole their money. Fair enough, I reckon?
Now that I’ve laid the groundwork, I’d love to submit my offerings for the reboot that has not been confirmed, announced, conceptualised or considered. It’s perfect, if I do say so myself.
Will Poulter As Sandy Cohen:
Cast Will Poulter for the eyebrows alone. The eyebrows of our generation.
Victoria Pedretti As Kirsten Cohen:
Victoria Pedretti has already played an unhinged nepo baby, let her do it again!
Jeremy Allen White As Ryan Atwood:
A man who knows his way around a white shirt, let us have it. Ryan Atwood’s white tank walked so the Carmy’s t-shirt could run.
Sabrina Carpenter As Marissa Cooper:
Give Marissa a music career. Have her sing Nonsense instead of speaking it all the time.
Zendaya As Summer Roberts:
I am very very very very very passionate about this choice. Zendaya would bring something to the Summer Roberts character that would just make the reboot feel right.
Tom Holland As Seth Cohen:
For the ultimate floppy-haired brunette boyfriend, Tom Holland. You see it, right?
Timothée Chalamet And Kylie Jenner As Jimmy And Julie Cooper:
I beg you, stay with me. Rumours flying of Timothee Chalamet and Kylie Jenner dating may sound ridiculous to you, but that’s exactly the energy that Jimmy and Julie bring to The OC. They’re unpredictable. They’re exciting. They are incredibly annoying but you just can’t look away.
Kit Connor As Kaitlin Cooper And Billie Eilish As Luke Ward:
These are wildcards but I stand by this. Kit Conner as Sabrina Carpenter’s annoying little sister who gets a pony in season one and never mentions it again? He could bring it. I believe in his power.
And I honestly just want to see Billie Eilish push Jeremy Allen White to the ground at the beach and scream, “Welcome to the OC, bitch!”
Of course, if The OC reboot (that doesn’t actually exist) was greenlit and my cast was selected, the show would probably only get an eight episode run, be cancelled after the first season and the actors and writers would be on the picket line striking for streaming residuals and fair working conditions… oh wait.
Written by Talecia Vescio, your local Aquarius Junkee Producer & Presenter. Find her on Instagram as @taleciavescio if you want to be friends.