‘Neighbours’ Update: Holy Hell, There’s A New Rebecchi Family In Town!!!
These are the only "Australian values" I care about tbh.
You know what I like about Neighbours? It reflects what’s really going on in Australia.
Haha, you’re right, it really super doesn’t most of the time. But on days like this, when out-of-touch, conservative oldies are yelling about the right way to have an opinion, it’s nice as hell to see a different looking family move into Ramsay Street.
So should we bury our heads in the sand, listen to the second half of ‘Sign of the Times’ over and over, and ponder what the bloody hell “Australian Values” means if it doesn’t mean looking after each other and giving people a fair go? Nah. I reckon we should talk about Neighbours for a minute instead.
Please meet The Rebecchis, hell YEAH.
hell yeah
So, Toadfish Rebecchi’s brother Puffer has decided to move to Erinsborough, specifically Ramsay Street, obviously because he has heard about the the sensual adventures that Toadie gets up to and wants a piece of the action.
But we’ll get to that in a minute. The episode starts with two extremely attractive people making very sexy faces at each other. Maybe they’re at the Erinsborough hostel? It’s unclear. One of the attractive people is only wearing a towel!
“I had a great time last night,” says the Sexy Man.
“I could tell,” says the Sexy Lady in an incredibly sexy fashion, which makes me think that she did have the option of putting on clothes but decided that the towel was a much sexier option. She was right!
“I’m getting the impression that you’re in the nude.”
“You’re impression is correct, I am actually in the nude.”
“Ooo, that’s sexy as hell.”
Sexy Man says that they should go out sometime and Sexy Lady says, “Or stay in… whatever suits”. Ooh man! This is getting sexy.
Sexy Man reacts accordingly.
“Does she mean stay in to have sex.”
“I think she does, sick.”
She’s like, “Okay give me a call when you want to hook up” and wanders out of the door, so perhaps this towel is actually a dress and I’m not as well-acquainted with Melbourne fashion as I thought I was. Methinks we haven’t seen the last of Sexy Lady!
Meanwhile brother of Toadfish, Puffer, is jamming with Dr. Karl Kennedy. These two are already fast friends, which gives me a very low opinion of Puffer Rebecchi.
“Do you know ‘Blurred Lines’?”
Toadfish is like “wtf is going on here!” He’s wearing a long-sleeve shirt buttoned up, which must mean this is the day of the month when he works at his start-up, Rebecchi Law. Toadie asks Puffer how his wife feels about Puffer moving the whole family to Ramsay Street. Puffer reveals that he has actually made these major life changes without consulting his wife.
Toadie and Dr. Karl — two men who have never, ever lied to their wives — are bloody flabbergasted by this turn of events.
“I have bought several properties in Erinsborough, my wife doesn’t need to know tho.”
“Puffer how could you, wives always need to know what you’re doing, except when you’re smooching a woman pretending to be your dead wife, do not tell her that Puffer.”
“I hope your wife doesn’t lose it at you Puffer, hey what’s her number might send her a text.”
Toadie is like, “I dunno, what do you reckon Karl” because if there’s one person on Ramsay Street who knows the ladies, it’s Karl Kennedy. Karl says that one time he bought a house without telling Susan, and Susan almost killed him. It’s unclear if Karl actually intended to live there with Susan though. Puffer is shocked by this new world of gender equality.
“Karl, are you telling me that there was a time when you were not 100 percent honest with Susan.”
“I know it’s very hard to believe, Puffer.”
Puffer decides that he knows his wife and therefore buying a house will be a great surprise. Toadie and Dr. Karl are basically like, “Nice knowing you, rip Puffer”. Puffer is left to contemplate his potentially terrible decision when someone walks in the back door.
Hang on — is that Sexy Lady? “GET OUT BEFORE YOU RUIN EVERYTHING,” says Puffer. Wtf is happening here Puffer!
SEXY LADY???
So anyway, Sexy Man (whose name is Leo) is having a cup of chino with Erinsborough High teacher Ellie. She’s all, “You have a twinkle in your eye this morning!” which is Neighbours for “You fucked someone last night, didn’t you.” He’s like, “Why yes, I did.”
Leo asks why Ellie is so smiley and she explains that she has the hots for Millsy. “He’s just really great with his students,” she explains and Leo pretends that that’s the reason why she likes him.
“I’m going to give him the benefit of the doubt,” she says as she sips her skinny flat white, which is Neighbours for “I’m thinking of sending him nudes”.
“I spent a lot of time thinking about giving him the benefit of the doubt.”
But forget all of these bozos, there is a new First Family of Ramsay Street! HANG ON, WHO THE BLOODY HELL ARE THESE PEOPLE????
WHO U??
Hey, they’re Puffer’s fam!!
Mrs. Puffer walks to Puffer in slow motion and it’s all highly romantic, until Puffer gets hit in the head by a soccer ball kicked by one of his daughters. I suspect she will be the ‘sporty one’.
The kids are like “wtf where are we even” and start roasting Puffer. I immediately like them. It’s like when the Scully’s moved to Erinsborough and the Kennedy’s were like “Oh my, I do declare!!” and adjusted their monocles, treating the Scullys like they were super middle-class compared to them.
Susan and Karl acted like they were the fanciest people on the street and almost started a class war. I’ll never forgive them for that treachery.
Anyway, the Rebecchis are also a non-white family, which is very exciting and I guess makes Neighbours the most diverse show on Australian television. What a time!
Puffer is like, “Okay family, this is our house now and to answer your question: yes, do not worry, Toadie lives next door, do not worry about that for one second”. Puffer’s wife Dipi Rebecchi looks like she’s about to crack the shits for a second, but then is like: “omg thank you for renting this house without telling me!!!!”
Hm, okay. Dipi is very relaxed about not being consulted about major life changes.
“I love change.”
Puffer is like, “omg are you sure” and Dipi is like, “It’s not in the middle of nowhere how could I be upset!!!” which is very understanding and indicates that they must have been living in a real shit-hole previously.
The sporty daughter says, “WE LOVE IT” but the younger one is like, “What about my friends”. Everyone decides to ignore the youngest daughter’s complaints and have the best time in Erinsborough.
Toadie for one is so psyched that his family has moved next door. Puffer tells him that his daughters are called Clownfish and Lionfish, which are fantastic Rebecchi names. Puffer then introduces his wife to Dr. Karl Kennedy, which I can only assume is a huge mistake.
“Hey Dipi, nice to meet you, I’m in an open marriage!!”
“Just kidding Dipi, please do not tell Susan.”
Little Lionfish hates it still. Toadie is all, “Lionfish, I swear to god, you’ll be the most popular person at Erinsborough High, Rebecchis are always the coolest kids in school”. You’re not wrong, Toadie.
Puffer tries to cheer up Lionfish by saying that there’s fast internet on Ramsay Street. Lionfish looks at him like he’s a fucking lunatic. “We had NBN already?” she says. Erinsborough is probably on dial-up.
We have established that Lionfish is the sarcastic, surly one and Clownfish is the one who jumps in the pool even when she has a new iPhone in her pocket. These Rebecchis are wild.
ANARCHY!!!
Ellie the teacher is in a bar getting a passionfruit margarita or something, and starts talking to a girl called Amy about the fact that Leo just got laid. Amy and Leo were previously in a relationship, I think.
Amy is like, “He’s just trying to pretend he’s fine, like me!” and Ellie is like “No seriously, he’s over you.” Harsh truths from Ellie.
Amy enjoys unpleasant truths being brought to her attention.
The Rebecchis are walking around the suburb and Dipi is like, “I can’t believe this town has two places to eat!!!!”. Their old home is sounding bleaker by the minute, man. Puffer reveals that he has also bought Harold’s Cafe as a present for Dipi. Are the Rebecchis secretly rich!? Bloody hell.
“Dipi, you will never have to work in a roadhouse again,” says Puffer. Dipi is grateful. I’m glad she doesn’t have to go back to the roadhouse too. “Australian Values” means not having to work in a roadhouse if you don’t want to work in a roadhouse.
But Puffer isn’t done! He’s also invited Dipi’s sister to live with them — sure, sounds normal — and it’s Sexy Lady! I’m not sure what happened next because there were absolutely no white people on screen and I passed out from joy.
Best family on television imo.
Sexy Lady, who is called Mishti, has a sit outside and all of a sudden Leo appears. “Omg towel girl!” he exclaims. “Yeah, my sister owns this café now!” says Mishti.
“I’M NOT LOOKING FOR ANYTHING PERMANENT, OKAY.” says Leo. What a guy.
“Can’t believe I wasted my towel thing on you.”
She’s like “Haha, seeya” but still hugs Leo goodbye because of thousands of years of conditioning that has taught us that women need to be polite always. But hark! Who is over there in the bushes?
A scorned woman, that’s who.
Lucky there’s so much shrubbery in Erinsborough.
Poor Amy! To mend her broken heart, Amy has a sav blanc with a Scottish soldier. If you’re thinking, ‘that’s a bit out of the blue’ well, yes, it is. Perhaps there are some Scottish soldiers posted in Erinsborough? What is Neighbours trying to warn us about?
Anyway. “You’re prettier than your profile picture,” he says. “Let’s go back to your room,” she says.
Sexy. As. Hell.
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Sinead Stubbins is Junkee’s Entertainment Editor. She tweets at @sineadstubbins and you can read more of her Neighbours updates here.