Mark Holden As A Sexually Threatening Clown On ‘Dancing With The Stars’ Is The Stuff Of Nightmares

Dancing With The Stars is a show I don’t have the capacity to understand even at the best of times. But the following clip from last night’s episode is particularly bewildering: Mark Holden dressed as a threatening clown, spanking his dance partner like a sex pest, thrusting his groin into Daniel MacPherson, taking angry, personal jabs at each of the panelists, faux-farting on camera, and terrifying the entire nation during a family program.

“I’ve got to sit you down on my knee, young girl,” he said to judge Kym Johnson, “and have a ‘bloody good conversation'”.

And with that, the parents of Australia drew their daughters in tightly, and changed the goddamn channel.

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If you want, you can watch the dance in full here — but it includes moments like this.

Helen Richey’s face said it all, really.