Lee Lin Chin Is Australia’s Official Eurovision Spokesperson; All Of Europe Trembles In Fear

Picking Guy Sebastian as Australia’s first-ever Eurovision contestant generated a stack of interest, both positive and negative, and buzz has only grown as the hallowed day draws nearer when we are welcomed into the European community with open arms and a pretty decent amount of confusion from those who didn’t get the memo.

But Sebastian is only our main ambassador; he’s by no means the whole contingent. We still needed an official spokesperson, a kind of musical diplomat to talk up Australia’s chances, play the competition off against each other, and strategically deploy gunships to vital choke points in the Mediterranean and Black Seas to cut off supplies to those nations considering giving us a low score. The perfect spokesperson needs precisely the right combination of fashion flair for the Eurovision cameras, TV hosting experience, and talent for cold brutality to strike fear into those who would oppose us.

Many were considered, including Marcia Hines, Kamahl and Christine Anu, but for SBS there was only ever one real choice.

I look forward to seeing our new Eurovision spokesperson advance our cause by counting our votes and leading a crack team of SAS commandos on a bloody rampage through the Low Countries. All glory to Lee Lin Chin.