This Instagram Mum Is Extremely Sad About Her Statistically Unpopular Son
"Guys, I’m gonna be perfectly honest... Instagram never liked my munchkin and it killed me inside."
Folks, this is a real tear jerker: an Instagram mum-influencer named Katie Bowers has taken to the medium to get real with us about a problem that more and more online families are tackling every day — that heartbreaking moment when you realise your son is statistically unpopular.
It’s not an easy thing to admit — we’re taught the polite fiction that we love all our children equally. But in this day of metrics and analytics, of likes and comments, it’s extremely easy to realise when little Jerden underperforms compared to his sister Termantha. It’s not personal, it’s just SCIENCE — and besides, Termantha always hits her angles.
In a now-deleted post about her son’s birthday, Bowers wrote a heartfelt caption about the joy he brings to her world, and his unique personality, but then things got weird.
“Guys, I’m gonna be perfectly honest… Instagram never liked my munchkin and it killed me inside. His photos never got as many likes. Never got comments. From a statistical point of view, he wasn’t as popular with everyone out there,” says normal-person and lifestyle blogger Bowers, about her son, Weston.
Here are there are screenshots.
Omg this Instagram mommy blogger is celebrating her sons bday by writing about how out of all her kids, he “statistically” performs the worse on her Instagram. And she’s worried one day it will ruin his self esteem ?? pic.twitter.com/QpFfJwDOab
— Stephanie McNeal (@stephemcneal) November 19, 2018
Weston is one of her brood of five grammable children that make up the majority of her brand.
“From a statistical point of view, he wasn’t as popular with everyone out there,” she points out in the caption. Some of the reasons she puts forward for her son’s disappointing performance is that he spent less time as a baby before another, cuter baby came along and usurped him. It happens!
I don’t allow little Johnny to push my side-hustle shipping pies nationwide because the engagement just isn’t there: A memoir
— Matt the Brat (@Karna6e) November 19, 2018
“I saw all that because I want to believe that it wasn’t him … that it was on me. My insufficiency caused this statistical deficit because obviously my Munch should get ALL the love and squinty eyes are totally adorable — so we can do this right? Because I truly KNOW that my Munch deserves alllllll the likes…”
After hustling for some likes, Bower talks about the future tragedy of the day Weston will grow up and “will see the numbers and will have to learn that his value is not in online approval”.
As everyone knows, a child’s birthday is the logical time to stop and take stock of whether or not your child is reaching their KPI’s.
While leveraging Weston’s unpopular nature for pity-likes might make short-term sense, it might make more long-term business logic to regretfully, and with great respect, let Weston go.
It’s a difficult time to be an online child, and unfortunately, in this oversaturated market, it doesn’t make sense to retain him. I’m sure Ms Bowers wishes Weston well, and will do everything in her power to help Weston find another Instagram family, which will suit Weston’s particular talents better.
It makes sense to focus on the other four, high-performing children. Maybe Weston can be given a producer credit and work behind-the-scenes from now on.
Good news is Zuckerberg is setting up a facility in rural Oregon for parents to place underperforming social media kids where they’re trained to detect and remove prohibited Facebook content because they’re already so psychologically scarred it’s not much additional damage.
— Andrew Wyatt (@TheAndrewWyatt) November 19, 2018
Katie Bowers also recently came into the public discourse (a polite way of saying: ruthlessly roasted online) after she admitted that she “had literally no idea what the deal was with 9/11” and that she “didn’t realize that people were actually in the buildings.”
This is the same chick who didn’t realize people died on 9/11 FYI
— Stephanie McNeal (@stephemcneal) November 19, 2018
“It didn’t hit me until a year later that so many people died,” she captioned over a photo of her sons, including Weston (tactfully turned away from the camera so he doesn’t drag the others down).