Culture

Justin Trudeau Just Snuggled With Some Giant Panda Cubs, Because Of Course He Did

I'm 99% sure we imagined this guy into being.

by Meg Watson  8 March 2016

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Since his appointment at the end of last year, new Canadian Prime Minster Justin Trudeau has done a alarmingly good job of appearing more human than politician. He introduced “a cabinet that looks like Canada” featuring an equal number of men and women as well as a quadriplegic former Paralympian and those from diverse racial backgrounds. He personally greeted Syrian refugees at his border. He flirted with the Queen. He was just honoured at an Indigenous ceremony while speaking out about reconciliation and bestowed with an Aboriginal name which means “the one that keeps trying”.

Now the inevitable has happened. Trudeau is flying too close to the sun and we must gaze upon it at our own peril. He’s created a supernova of loveliness:

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“Faaaather?”

The PM was this week invited to the naming ceremony of the first giant pandas born in Canada at Toronto Zoo. They were given the names “Jia Panpan” and “Jia Yeuyue” which translates to “Canadian Hope” and “Canadian Joy” respectively, and he then bunched them up into his strong Disney Prince arms at let them nuzzle at his chest to enjoy his natural scent of success, joy, and kindness.

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“MMMMMMMM FRESHLY BAKED COOKIES.”

While everyone is understandably (and justifiably) losing their minds over this, it does lend more proof to my theory that Justin Trudeau is in fact not even real.

Think about it.

Trudeau emerged on the world stage at a time of enormous hardship and cynicism. Canada had been held in a stranglehold by a conservative administration for nine years. The rights of women and many other marginalised groups were being wilfully eroded, and Islamophobia was being stoked with hateful federal campaigns. This was being emulated around the world. Conservative western governments such as those in the UK and Australia were showing a similar lack of compassion at home, and abroad through problems like the Syrian refugee crisis. In the US, there was a threat of things getting worse. Trump had just emerged as a genuine frontrunner for the Republican nomination.

Now, I’m not saying we all had to wilfully enter some kind of Matrix to construct a reality in which a human whose heart wasn’t powered by coal could gain elected office. I’m not saying something in our brains snapped and gave way to a perfect Trudeau-sized chasm of hallucinatory solace. All I’m getting at is, he’s not giving much evidence to the contrary.

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