Junkee’s New Year Astrological Pop Culture Recommendations
What will you be up against this month?
Hello! Welcome to Junkee horoscopes: Planetary movement interpreted as life advice and pop culture recommendations. People will try and tell you that astrology is fake, but those people are wrong – I’ve been doing planetary readings long enough (roughly six months) to know that there’s no such thing as coincidence when the planets are involved.
We’ve made it through another calendar year! 2016 was, for a lot of people, a shit one, but until we hit January, I need you to LOOK UP. Look people in the eye. Look yourself in the eye. Look towards the stars for guidance, and look towards your loved ones for support. We’re all living, friend.
You’ve probably heard that Mercury is in retrograde this season, which is completely true. But don’t let it stress you out — Mercury doesn’t actually have as much influence on the chart as pop culture would have you believe.
The best advice I can give to everyone this season is that you shouldn’t try to create any problems that weren’t already there. Nobody likes an emotional masochist. (If you’ve seen/read Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, this is like the bit where Arthur Weasley tells Harry not to go looking for Sirius Black. I’m Arthur, you’re Harry, and Sirius is The Drama.)
Here’s what you’re up against in the coming month:
CAPRICORN ~ December 21 to January 21
Are you ready to thrive, Capricorn? Cap season is all about social status and power; it’s time to meet new people, learn new skills, and dispose of anything (or anyone) that’s holding you back. It sounds brutal, but sometimes a Capricorn — the most ambitious of the signs — needs to give in to their thirst, whether that’s a thirst for power, knowledge, happiness or social status. Pluto, the planet that guides power and transformation, is still in your house. Now’s the time to set yourself up for a good 2017, Capricorn. New year, new you.
Astrological Pop Culture Recommendation : Election (1999), starring Matthew Broderick and Reese Witherspoon. This one works as a cautionary tale for any over-ambitious Capricorns. It tells us that too much ambition can leave us powerless, jobless, or just plain annoying. Reach for the stars, Capricorn, but remember to stay in your lane where necessary.
AQUARIUS ~ January 22 to February 21
Capricorn season is generally a pretty quiet time for you, Aquarius, and fair enough. Stay in with the lights off and the blinds down and the fan on; make fruit salad and eat it on the deck. Spend time with your family and your friends and don’t talk to anyone you don’t have to. Venus is in your house right now. It’s time for harmony. You rarely show stress on your face, but I know that an Aquarius mind can get pretty crammed. Capricorn season is a good time to clear your schedule, clear your head, and take a well deserved break.
Astrological Pop Culture Recommendation: Blonde by Frank Ocean, obviously. (Everyone should be listening to Blonde, but it’s particularly good for an Aquarian this season.) The whole record’s great, but nobody’s gonna judge you for skipping ‘Pretty Sweet’ and ‘Facebook Story’ and listening to ‘Ivy’ twice. You deserve it.
PISCES ~ February 22 to March 20
Pisces! Look forward to this season. It’s gonna be a good one. I can just feel it. Pisceans aren’t known for being the most positive of signs, but Neptune, which governs idealism and positivity, should keep you in check for the duration of this season. Mars is slowly making its way through your house too, so make sure to actively search for new experiences, new loves and new projects. Go out into the unknown and find something you love to set the mood for 2017.
Astrological Pop Culture Recommendation: Literally read every single year-end wrap-up list you can find. It’s a fun way of finding new culture to consume. I discovered Nicki Minaj through a year-end list, so I can personally attest to how life-changing a year-end list can be.
ARIES ~ March 21 to April 20
You’ve been in a bit of a funk lately, Aries, and it’s easy to see why — the planets have really been fucking with you. Because of Uranus’ retrograde in Aries, it’s hard to be as charming as you usually are. As Uranus leaves retrograde on the 28th of December, it’s time to do what an Aries does best: stand out. Wear flashy clothes, make crazy art. Be you. Aries ask a lot of big questions and expect a lot big answers straight away. But sometimes you can only find the answers you seek through some good old fashioned field testing.
Astrological Pop Culture Recommendation: Literally only listen to Young Thug this season. They’re not an Aries — They’re a Leo, because of course they are — but they live their life like an Aries. JEFFREY is basically a series of Aries anthems.
TAURUS ~ April 21 to May 20
This season, Venus moves swiftly through Aquarius. This can be stressful, but think of this season as an opportunity to partake in some overdue spring cleaning. Aquarius, the house of friendships, isn’t only good for making friendships; it’s good for breaking them too. There’s no room for toxicity in Capricorn season, so work your hardest to either clear the air with people that you’re feuding with, or cut off the oxygen to those relationships completely. Now’s the most pain-free time to do it.
Astrological Pop Culture Recommendation: I mean, Heathers is probably the classic ~cutting ties with toxic friends~ film, but there’s also Mean Girls, Jawbreaker, basically any teen movie with a slightly violent/nasty bent. If you can stand really really creepy shit, Martha Marcy May Marlene is awesome and actually probably a pretty good example of like, cutting ties with toxic people (not a spoiler, but basically: she escapes from a cult). So, yeah. Anything that shows the power of removing neg vibes from your life.
GEMINI ~ May 21 to June 21
True to the nature of your sign, you don’t really do things in halves, Gemini – moderation isn’t really in your vocabulary. But it’s important to try and keep your wild personality swings in check as we enter a time of year that’s so open and public. Mercury, your ruling planet, is in retrograde right now, and you’re most likely to be hit hard by this.
You’re already not the best at communication, so don’t let a complete breakdown in communication cause more drama than it needs to. Luckily, autonomy comes naturally to you — remember, the planets may affect you, but they don’t control you.
Astrological Pop Culture Recommendation: Definitely do not listen to anything that encourages you to go wild/give in to inhibitions/go with your instincts. Fight those instincts, Gemini! Do not listen to ‘Dynamite’ by Taio Cruz! Do not listen to ’Til the World Ends’ by Britney Spears! Please, just take it easy, Gemini.
CANCER ~ June 22 to July 19
You tend to be wary of strangers, but every new friend is a stranger until you get to know them. As you force yourself out of your comfort zone — essential for every Cancer — be sure to wait a while before you make judgements on the character of new people who you meet during Capricorn season. It could come back to bite you, and we all know that no Cancer likes to experience comeuppance.
Astrological Pop Culture Recommendation: As soon as you wake up every morning during Capricorn season I want you to watch the video for ‘Broccoli’ by D.R.A.M. and Lil Yachty, just so you know how important friendship can be.
LEO ~ July 20 to August 19
It’s universally acknowledged that you can either be smart and hot, smart and nice, or nice and hot, but not all three. Well, this season, you’ll have to focus on channelling the smart and nice sections of your personality. As we cross from one calendar year into another, it’s important to leave your trademark Leo vanity at the door when you enter 2017. Try to distance yourself from your fire-sign kin — Aries and Sagittarius — because they’ll only lead you towards old habits.
Don’t stop being a classic Leo, but try to have some empathy and humility this season, and don’t take any negative-seeming behaviours from other signs to heart. As I said before: We’re all living.
Astrological Pop Culture Recommendation: I’m not really one for self-help books, but Persuasion by Jane Austen is basically a perfect self-help book, except it’s a novel. It’s about a Leo (she’s born August 9th) who kinda hates herself because she thinks she’s too old to get married (she’s 27, but this book is old so it’s fine). She’s also kinda mean, but not openly, and it’s pretty funny, and very Leo. It’s basically a portrait of vanity in both good and bad forms; I want you to read Persuasion and think about how you can be vain without irritating or harming more delicate signs.
VIRGO ~ August 20 to September 20
You’re usually a good communicator because of the powers of your ruling planet, but be prepared to take a hit this season as Mercury Retrograde flips things upside down. With Mercury aligned with Pluto, it’s a good time to focus on yourself: Get a haircut, buy some new clothes, stuff like that. Pluto enhances the power of physical transformations, so if you’ve been thinking of trying out a risky style move, now’s the time to do it.
Astrological Pop Culture Recommendation: Every single makeover episode of America’s Next Top Model and Australia’s Next Top Model ever. Get some inspiration from the good makeovers, and use the bad makeovers to keep yourself in check — Pluto will do what it can, but nobody’s immune from a shit haircut.
LIBRA ~ September 21 to October 21
Venus, your ruler, is in Aquarius this season, which is good for you — as Aquarius is another air sign, you should be in for another season of smooth sailing. As with last season, it’s important to stick with other air signs to keep yourself calm and sane. But now that you’ve had a bit of your much-loved peace and quiet, think about others: lend some of your oxygen to a fire sign who might need some air. Summer’s a great time to start new friendships or rebuild old ones.
Astrological Pop Culture Recommendation: Listen to things that exude a sense of harmony and peace. Don’t listen to any music that might inspire conflict within you or others. Think more Beyoncé and less Lemonade. Bruno Mars is a Libra, which probably explains why his music is so vanilla (Libras hate conflict and upsetting the status quo). That kinda vibe.
SCORPIO ~ October 22 to November 21
You’re not generally one for nebulous judgements or superstitions or anything like that, Scorpio — hard facts are more your game. I’m surprised you’re even reading this horoscope column. But as Jupiter prepares for its transit into your house, you might just find that everything’s working out for you. I know you like hard evidence, but if you’re feeling a bit lucky this season, don’t question it. As they say, it’s rude to look a gift horse in the mouth(???). Try and tone down the ruthlessness this season, Scorpio, and let good things come to you.
Astrological Pop Culture Recommendation: Rihanna’s not a Scorpio, but ANTI is a very Scorpio album — it features drunk dials, heaps of sex, loads of drugs, and can’t find a good middle ground between divulging no emotions and oversharing way too hard. If you’re ever listening and it sounds too relatable, maybe take a look in the mirror and tone things down a bit.
SAGITTARIUS ~ November 22 to December 20
Last season was your time to shine, Sagittarius, but now that we’re out of your zone you need to think about forward planning, friend. Saturn, the planet of limitations and practicality, is in your house now; I know you’re tempted to keep travelling and keep exploring, but Capricorn season is a good time to take stock of your career and your romantic life. You’re not usually a planner, but Saturn’s got your back this season, Sagittarius.
Astrological Pop Culture Recommendation: Read the newspaper, Sagittarius — it’s easy to get caught up in your own thoughts, but sometimes it’s good to be aware of what’s happening around you. National or state newspapers are good, but don’t look past local ones! It’s also nice (or scary) to see the crime stats of your suburb, sometimes! A fun holiday activity.
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Shaad D’Souza is a freelance writer from Melbourne. Follow him on Twitter here.