Your Favourite Reclusive Writer On ‘The Simpsons’ Just Gave a Wild Interview

You might not know the name John Swartzwelder, but you definitely know his work.

The storied comedy legend was one of the most prolific writers on the early run of The Simpsons, penning a bunch of the show’s classic lines and episodes. He’s the genius behind, “ever see a guy say goodbye to a shoe?” from ‘You Only Move Twice’; ‘Itchy & Scratchy: The Movie’; and the utter chaos of ‘Bart Gets an Elephant’. Chances are, if there’s a line from the animated sitcom that has reverberated in your head since childhood, then John Swartzwelder wrote it.

There’s a reason, mind you, that Swartzwelder’s name isn’t as big as it should be, given his body of work: for years now, he’s been something of a recluse. Stories of his exploits have bounced around the internet for years — he infamously bought his favourite diner booth and had it transported into his house. But as to getting words from the man onto paper, most journalists have come up trumps. That is, until now.

See, this week, Mike Sacks of The New Yorker managed to pin down Swartzwelder for a long chat, conducted over emails. It’s the first mainstream interview that the comedy writer has done in 18 years, and boy is it a doozy. Opening with Swartzwelder’s time writing for sitcoms and Saturday Night Live, running through his time on The Simpsons, and culminating in a chat about his hysterical novels, it’s a career-spanning chat.

Of particular interest to fans of The Simpsons, Swartzwelder says that the show was written neither for children nor adults. “We just tried to make ourselves, and each other, laugh,” he says. “Comedy writers. That was the audience. Luckily, a lot of other people, both kids and adults, liked the same jokes we liked.”

Elsewhere in the chat, Swartzwelder is prompted to discuss ‘Homer’s Enemy’, the infamous episode of the show in which the beleaguered Frank Grimes ends up accidentally electrocuting himself. The writer’s thoughts on the topic are…well, let’s call them controversial.

“Grimey was asking for it the whole episode,” Swartzwelder says. “He didn’t approve of our Homer. He was asking for it, and he got it.”

On the subject of Homer, Swartzwelder also gives a fascinating explanation of how he writes the animated hero. “He is a big talking dog,” he says. “One moment he’s the saddest man in the world, because he’s just lost his job, or dropped his sandwich, or accidentally killed his family. Then, the next moment, he’s the happiest man in the world, because he’s just found a penny—maybe under one of his dead family members. He’s not actually a dog, of course — he’s smarter than that — but if you write him as a dog you’ll never go wrong.”

As I say, the whole chat is well-worth the time it will take you to guffaw your way through. But if I can leave you with one more Swartzwelder gem of wisdom, it’s this one: “Monkeys aren’t funny.” Enough said.