John Oliver’s New Rant About Ridiculous Publicly-Funded Stadiums Sadly Applies To Australia Too

If you’ve ever watched an episode of the iconic drama/misunderstood male feel-a-thon Friday Night Lights or pretty much any major blockbuster ever, you probably have a decent understanding of how straight-up crazy many Americans are for their sports. Not only did the citizens of Gotham have enough dedication to turn out to support their football team in the midst of a global terror plot, but the fictional team now has its own online following.

Though sport, particularly football, is a rich and totally valid part of US culture, there are have always been a number of problems related to the obsession it breeds. With ongoing social stigma around sport and the external pressure of universities offering competitive places for high-performing athletes, many US high school students suffer from abnormal levels of anxiety. Things don’t get much better in the big leagues either, where a concerning number of NFL players maintain a lengthy record of violent crimes.

And, as John Oliver points out in his latest monologue from Last Week Tonight, the whole thing plays out in increasingly absurd stadiums largely funded by taxpayer money. Providing facilities for the public to come together and enjoy one of the nation’s favourite pastimes is great — but when billionaires start demanding governments deliver field-side fishtanks, swimming pools and not-yet-invented holograms, it’s probably time to start calling bullshit.

Though we haven’t yet reached the point where football fans are literally tasing public officials in the search for money — HOLY SHIT, LET’S ALL JUST ACKNOWLEDGE HOW FUCKED THAT WAS — it’s also worth noting that this isn’t just a problem confined to the US. Our stadiums in Australia, though considerably less ridiculous, are also largely funded by the state and federal governments and the numbers are equally as concerning.

At the end of last year the owners of Stadium Australia Telstra Stadium ANZ Stadium asked the NSW government for $250 million to refurbish the privately-owned structure and help pay for a retractable roof. Considering the owners themselves were only pledging an extra $100 million, some prominent sports writers questioned the worth of such a move when there are other smaller stadiums in greater need. Or, more broadly, other issues entirely. In 2012, The Roar discovered state governments had spent $1.8 billion on stadium upgrades in one financial year.

“There are 180,000 homeless people in Australia that need help — they won’t be able to sleep on the bright red Carrara terraces,” they wrote. “Tens of thousands of people live below the poverty line — they wont be able to afford the food at ANZ stadium anyway … Where have our governments’ priorities gone when giant edifices which primarily benefit professional sporting organisations that rake in millions per year in profit are put ahead of public health and safety?”

More recently, the NSW government is in an all-new debate about whether they should splurge $900 million on a new stadium in Moore Park and a further $400 million in Parramatta. Lord Mayor Clover Moore and Member for Sydney Alex Greenwich have slammed the former as “a greedy land grab” by the Sydney Cricket Ground Trust and fully intend to oppose it. Whether the project goes ahead or not, State Premier Mike Baird has already indicated he’s willing to spend $600 million on various other stadium upgrades around the city and we’ll have his final plan by the end of the month.

To put this in some perspective, remember the Custody Notification Service? The hugely successful helpline for Indigenous people in need of legal aid that was gonna get axed because of seemingly inevitable budget cuts? It only cost $500,000 to run per year.