Thank Goodness Jacinda Ardern Has Confirmed That Orgies Are Officially Back On

Appearing on a New Zealand talk show, Aotearoa’s PM Jacinda Ardern has confirmed that orgies are back on baby.

In a TV interview with Seven Sharp on Friday, hosts Hilary Barry and Jeremy Wells asked Ardern to shed some light on one of the finer details in the country’s current reopening schedule, known as the traffic light system.

For quick context, the traffic light system classifies freedoms available to vaccinated New Zealanders based on whether they live under red, orange or green. Aukland is currently on red light classification, meaning that citizens are only permitted to engage in everyday essential services and activities.

On Seven Sharp, the PM was being asked for clarification on Tinder and dating app related activities.  “I can confirm that Tinder liaisons have reopened,” she says. Host Jeremy Wells replies that it is, “great news…for my friend.”

But if you thought that interaction was cringingly chaotic, get ready for what comes next. In response to Jeremy’s comment, PM Jacinda Ardern replies, “it’s not strictly embedded in the traffic light system but um, it is a given, up to 25 actually, in a red area.”

yeah, but did your PM go on national television to officially announce that *checks notes* orgies can resume? pic.twitter.com/cG4YyIvEZT

— Calliope Ryder (@callioperyder) December 10, 2021

So, just to clarify, the PM has approved that orgies of up to 25 people in Aukland. At least, so long as it’s classified as a red light area. It is possible that she meant folks could be seeing up to 25 people, but who’s to say?

Wells attempted to continue the conversation, but he was unsurprisingly interrupted by his co-host, Hilary Barry. Barry quickly diverted the potentially NSFW conversation with a lighthearted, “stop, stop, no, no. We are going no further on that line of questioning.”

An NSFW line of questioning? Perhaps. But undoubtedly there are a minimum of 25 people in Aotearoa who will be relieved to hear the news.