Isabella Rossellini On ‘Green Porno’, Her Unpredictable Career, And Duck Sex

Not to put too fine a point on it, but Isabella Rossellini is pretty much the epitome of Hollywood royalty. Genetics ensured it: she’s the daughter of legendary Italian director Roberto Rossellini (Rome, Open City) and three-time Oscar winner Ingrid Bergman. Her taste in men intensified it: she was briefly married to Martin Scorsese, and later dated David Lynch and Gary Oldman. And her filmography proves it: the professional scene-stealer is widely beloved for her appearances in Lynch’s 1986 odyssey Blue Velvet and the 1992 camp classic Death Becomes Her.

But perhaps no credit on her CV — not even her two-decade stint as one of the world’s most sought-after models — has brought Rossellini as much bemused attention as Green Porno, the short film series she created at the request of old friend Robert Redford in 2008. Aside from boasting a genuinely awesome title, Porno offered viewers a lighthearted take on a seemingly ridiculous subject: mating behaviour in the animal world. It became an unexpected hit, probably because Rossellini — who wrote and directed the whole shebang — also starred in the films, donning a variety of kooky, low-budget costumes to play a fly, a duck, a snail… even a barnacle.

Porno proved so popular that Rossellini was eventually commissioned to create a companion book and, now, a stage adaptation, which finds the 62-year-old “lecturing” audiences from a podium between airings of some of the series’ most memorable shorts. As she prepares to bring Green Porno: Live On Stage on tour in Australia, we talked to Rossellini about her unpredictable career, the hilarity of animals and, uh, gang rape in the duck community.

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Junkee: You strike me as somebody who’s pretty much up for anything when it comes to performing. But as you prepared to launch Green Porno, did you ever think, ‘Oh, dear. Everybody in Hollywood is going to think I’m crazy. My fans are going to think I’m crazy. I’m dressed like a barnacle — what am I doing?’
Isabella Rossellini: You know… [hesitant laugh] I don’t know what you mean by Hollywood! There’s not an identity. I know it is written in the press — “Hollywood” — but it isn’t solidly an institution, you know? I have a lot of Hollywood friends who liked my films and encouraged me toward direction. Lots of actors evolve their careers to become writers and directors. So, Hollywood, you know… [laughs] I guess what you mean by Hollywood is that perpetual image of women being beautiful, and if you have been a model, people expect that to go on. But I haven’t been a model in twenty-odd years; the public doesn’t always realise how much time has gone by. I see my career having evolved from modelling to acting and now writing and directing. And I’m very glad to be able to make that evolution, because if I’d only been a model, I would not have worked for a good 25 years.

You haven’t done a tonne of stage work. Do you find that you get stage fright?
I do get nervous. But it’s easier when you have written the text, as opposed to learning and remembering somebody else’s words. If I get confused or make a mistake, I know how to come out of it. But this is a monologue, anyway, which is quite different from a play, where there are other actors and you’re constantly reacting.

Apart from shedding light on how animals mate and the oddities of their sex lives, what are you hoping audiences come away with from this show? Do you feel it helps them reflect on their own sexual proclivities?
No, no. [chuckles] I see myself as an entertainer. I don’t even see myself as wanting people to leave and know more about animals. If I can make a comparison, Agatha Christie wrote novels about murders, but she wanted to entertain us. I want to make entertainment based on biology. That’s my ambition. We’ll see if I get there.

So, what’s the raciest section of the show?  
Oh, it’s not so racy. We talk about sex, and sometimes people squirm if you say “penis” or “genitals”… Just saying those words can cause people to react with hesitation. But it’s really about science. And most people appreciate it. [They] laugh and say, ‘Wow, I didn’t know that! I learned something new! I laughed so much!’ So far, I haven’t found anybody who’s left and said they were offended.

That leads me to a question about one segment involving male ducks, who are prone to sexually assaulting lone females in packs. The New York Times’ review called this portion of the show “a variation, sort of, on those dismayingly trendy rape jokes.” What’s this all about?
Well, what happens is that ducks — many male ducks — jump on a female and sometimes they’re quite violent. They fight and jump on her so much that sometimes she is killed. I mean, it’s a fact. So I call it ‘gang rape’ — because it looks like a gang rape.

It’s not the scientific way of expressing it — in that context, it would be called something else, a word or phrase that I’m not familiar with. And sometimes I do use scientific words and phrases, because they are funny. “Sequential hermaphrodites”, for instance, just makes me laugh. But sometimes words are very complicated, and would probably confuse people. I always work with scientists and ask them if they’ll be offended if I say, like, “the genital of a fly”, because, of course, you wouldn’t even call those genitals as they relate to flies. There is always a back-and-forth with the scientific community over acceptable terminology. But I use words and terms such as ‘gang rape’ because in instances like the ones with ducks, that really is what’s happening: many men sexually attacking a female. There is no reference to society, no condemnation. I’m just explaining an act, and I don’t think it’s offensive in any way.

You’ve said in past interviews about Green Porno that you find animals funny. You’re now a student at New York City’s Hunter College pursuing a degree in animal behaviour. Have your studies amplified that opinion? Dulled it?
Oh, I still find them very funny, and so fascinating. The variety of animals and their behaviour… It’s more mind-blowing than anything your imagination might give you.

Is there one in particular that you find funnier than all the rest?
Well, I’ve always dreamt of having a chimpanzee but, of course, we can’t have a chimpanzee at home. I’m most familiar with domestics like dogs and cats, because I’ve had them all my life. It is sort of like having little clowns hanging out around your house; anybody who is a pet owner will tell you how much enjoyment they get out of their animals, not just through companionship but also because they are just so amusing. They do things that are funny! That’s what I wanted to capture with Green Porno: the strangeness and the fun.

What do you plan to do with that degree, anyway?
The truth is, I picked that degree out of pure curiosity. It was something I wanted to do, and I decided to do it now because I’m old and I don’t work so much. I am 62. I am ready to almost retire! I’m not doing this because it will bloom into something else.

I didn’t even expect this to go so far. I initially made 10 short films that turned into forty, along with a book and now a monologue. I didn’t expect this to grow so much. I’m delighted. I really only thought I’d do this stage show about 15 times — in New York and Paris, where I live, and in Italy, where I’m from. I certainly didn’t anticipate a tour of Australia with this show. I’m still adjusting to it. What does it all mean?

It means people have a lot of affection for you. Which project of yours do you get approached about most on the street?
Oh, that would have to be Blue Velvet. Definitely Blue Velvet.

Damn, I was hoping you’d say 30 Rock. Let’s talk about it, anyway. You played Jack Donaghy’s estranged wife Bianca, and you’re responsible for what I consider the show’s all-time greatest one-liner, your passionate defence of [US fast food restaurant] Arby’s Big Beef ‘n’ Cheddar sandwich. Do you remember that?
I do! I do recall that [laughs]. It was written, of course, by the great Tina Fey. She understood I knew nothing about this restaurant in America, and that’s what was so funny. It’s quite comical exactly because it’s so unexpected. In fact, still today, I really don’t know what Big Beef ‘n’ Cheddars are.

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Green Porno Australian tour dates:

15-16 March @ Her Majesty’s Theatre, Adelaide — tickets here
19 March @ Perth Concert Hall, Perth — tickets here
22-23 March @ City Recital Hall, Angel Place, Sydney — tickets here
24 March @ Brisbane Concert Hall, Brisbane — tickets here
26 March @ The Playhouse, Melbourne Arts Centre, Melbourne — tickets here

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Nicholas Fonseca is a freelance writer and editor and (sometime) master of film studies student based in Sydney. A former editor at Madison, Fonseca has written for WHO, Sunday Life and Foxtel magazines; prior to his arrival in Sydney, he was based in New York City, where he spent a decade as a staff member with Entertainment Weekly.