How to deal with growing apart from your high school friends
You said you’d be best friends forever, talked endlessly of the grand adventures you’d have in every corner of the globe, and promised that no matter what came between you – be it graduation or moving states for university – that nothing would ever tear your high school group apart. But then your group splits up, and you’re settling into university life or jumping head-first into the corporate world. Suddenly there are new friends, new choices, and new lifelong memories that don’t include the people you thought they’d include. Growing up is no doubt exciting, but it can also be incredibly guilt-inducing. Here are a few coping mechanisms to help you realise that this new stage in your life is not the end of friendships past.
Moving on is normal
Becoming more invested in your university ecosystem, or any other community outside of school, is a completely normal part of life. At university you’ll be coming into contact with an onslaught of new things to try and a thousand very different people you could become. It’s natural to feel yourself drifting away from your high school squad as your new experiences shape you differently than your friends. In high school everybody’s routine is generally the same: you rock up to school, hang out with the same friends in the same classes, and then muck around some more on your lunch breaks, all with the familiar band of friends you’ve claimed as your own. But take that common link away, mix in a few crazy schedules, and suddenly you might not see those friends for a month or more. Suddenly, your best friends don’t know about every single thing in your new life as they did in high school – and that is totally fine.
Organise a regular monthly catch-up
Life is always ready to get in the way of the best intentions, so if you really want to regularly keep in contact – and not just through Facebook – organise a catch-up once a month so you can stay up-to-date with the group’s shenanigans. Whether it’s meeting up at the local ramen joint or putting on a grand tapas-style feast that’s sure to leave your housemates dismayed at the mess you’ve made of the kitchen, a regular event means there’s no excuses for drifting apart if you don’t want to. Plus, it’s nice to look forward to something solid when assignment deadlines leave you wanting to crawl into bed and never get out.
It’s OK to say no
On the other side of the coin, it’s OK to occasionally say no to parties or events your high school friends have invited you to. We all know how hectic university can be, and sometimes it’s just not worth spending those few hours you could spend polishing an assignment at yet another ’90s-themed house party. This doesn’t mean you’re willing to give up on your ties with your friends, or that they’re never going to invite you out again – it just means you have your own thing going on that needs attention. There will be other parties.
You’re not a bad friend
If you’re anything like me, this is probably a big one. Having a new life is not a bad thing, and wanting to focus on it doesn’t make you a terrible human being. Branching out is not only natural, but also exciting as the world becomes a much larger place. Your true friends only want you to be happy, even if that means spending less time with them. If your friends can’t accept this, then they’re not respecting the new you, and maybe they’re not as awesome as you think. At the end of the day, you just have to be you.
Shannon Coward
Shannon Coward is a third year Bachelor of Journalism and Bachelor of Arts student at the University of Queensland. She enjoys period dramas, doughnuts and a good nap.