House of Silky Is Determined To Breathe Life Back Into Australia’s Ballroom Scene

For Xander Khoury, co-founding the queer BIPOC Ballroom house House of Silky was all about creating family, lifting up community, and breathing life back into Sydney’s Ballroom scene.

When you read Ballroom, think less beauty and the beast, and more about what’s portrayed in FX’s Pose. For those wholly unfamiliar, Ballroom was and is a culture created by queer trans women of colour; houses, tight-knit found families of queer folks, would march, vogue, perform and walk beside one another in balls.

Crucially, Ballroom was, and remains, a celebration of resistance and the beauty of the LGBTQIA community, spearheaded by people of colour, and Xander is adamant modern Ballroom should never forget its roots.

“What we always need to acknowledge whenever we’re talking about Ballroom is the fact that it was created by Black and Latinx trans women in New York,” Xander explains. “What people don’t realise is that it was a space created for them by them. Over time, it just expanded and now we bring other people in the queer community into it. But we always have to remember it was there for the Femme Queens first. We need to move with respect for them and respect for the history as well.”

Xander co-founded House of Silky with a deep respect for those who came before him, but also because he recognised the need for change in Australia’s Ballroom scene.

“At the time when we created the House, it was really only two other houses that existed,” he explains. “One was kinda doing it all. I think in Ballroom we felt like there needed to be more space. Another energy, another House to start balancing out the scene and really helping build that up.”

The Three Pillars Of Silky

Along with co-founders, Mother Mira Silky and Kitana Silky, the queer BIPOC collective was founded on three pillars.

“First and foremost, we’re a Ballroom house and this house needs to feel like a safe space for everyone and it needs to be able to support our kids in and out of the Ballroom,” Xander explains. “Second thing, we’re a nightlife house. We really wanted to focus House of Silky more on the nightlife scene and bring vogue nights. Really shaping how Ballroom looks in a club and nightlife setting, Thirdly, our mission is around fashion and shifting the culture of fashion in Australia. Shifting the fashion industry, infiltrating it and using our platform to create positive change in that space.”

“This house needs to feel like a safe space for everyone and it needs to be able to support our kids in and out of the Ballroom.”

That first pillar’s strength was put to the test pretty quickly. Like so many social scenes, Sydney’s queer nightlife, Ballroom scene and community took a major hit over the past few years of the pandemic.

“Ballroom is such a physical thing. Because it’s all about being present and being in that space and that physicalness of being together with each other is such a crucial thing,” he recalls.

Xander co-founded House of Silky in 2019, and the following years were a slog — not just for him, but for the kids and community that relied on House of Silky’s support.

“As parents, we were really trying to support some of our kids through hardship as well. A lot of them lost their jobs. Especially, in 2020 because no one knew what was going on,” he recalls. “Some of our kids were sex working and had rent to pay and how are they gonna do this? They can’t get jobs. So, as a house, we were supporting some of our kids with their rent through house funds and helping them through it.”

The Preciousness Of Chosen Families

The absolute vitality of collective, found families like House of Silky cannot be overstated — especially for vulnerable communities.

“These chosen families create a support network to help people connect. Chosen families are extremely important, especially for the queer community,” Xander explains. “We’ve seen from generation to generation just how significant they have been and how much they’ve helped people through incredibly hard times. When it was illegal to be ourselves. These queer families really supported one another, even in Ballroom’s history itself and it still happens today.”

Xander also reflects how important they are to him, personally. “Still today in 2022. There’s still a lot of transphobia, a lot of homophobia, a lot of things that still exist in spaces. I live in Western Sydney so I am faced with it every day.”

The community’s isolation, he says, is both local and cultural, and division and discrimination are not limited to those outside the community. It’s something Xander is determined to bar from House of Silky’s space.

“There’s even a lot of division between different genders and sexualities,” he explains. “We see our trans women being left behind while pop culture glorifies the white gay male. There are so many other people in the community who don’t get that. For us, House of Silky breaks all that down. It becomes that equal playing field of I lift you up, you lift me up. Except for a little competition on the (ballroom) floor.”

And House of Silky’s future post-pandemic is already looking unapologetically dazzling. “House of Silky really just wants to get out and start representing on the floor,” Xander says. “We want to help and be a part of revitalising Ballroom in Australia and in Sydney. Also, our goals as a fashion house and a nightlife house — I think will see a lot more of House of Silky infiltrating those spaces this year. Our Melbourne chapter is growing so is our Brisbane chapter and Canberra Chapter.”

The House is already hard at work on that revitalisation. “We’re doing a little performance for The Roast that Heaps Gay and Absolut is putting on,” Xander says. “It’s gonna be really fun. I can’t tell you what we’re really doing its a surprise. But House of Silky will be there and the Ballroom community will be there.”

“Chosen families are extremely important, especially for the queer community.”

Tickets to the event can be purchased here, but in case you can’t make it on Sunday night, there are other events too.  “We have a few events, if you want to support the Ballroom community, you can come to the Ballroom Bring It Back vogue night happening on March 5th in Newtown. If you want to support queer community and nightlife,Xaddy’s Tardi Gradi Big Boat Party is happening march 20th in darling harbour Sydney.”

If cheering from the sidelines isn’t enough for you, Xander does have advice for those who want to get involved. “Anyone who’s interested in Ballroom and wants to join Ballroom the best advice I can have for you is just go in with an open mind and be willing to do the work. That work includes doing the research and practising by yourself. Too many kids show up like, ‘where’s the Vogue class?’” he laughs. “You need to do the work yourself. Show up and research. What you put into it, it’ll give back.”

Putting in what you get back is clearly the ethos that Xander has built House of Silky on. “You’ve gotta have clear visions when you do things,” he says. “We took it seriously. We really wanted to make sure we’re not gonna just make change within Ballroom, we’re actually going to change the wider community.”

---

Heaps Gay & Absolut have linked up to present The Roast, a Mardi Gras feast in celebration of chosen families. For more information and tickets, head here.

Merryana Salem (they/them) is a proud Wonnarua and Lebanese–Australian writer, critic, teacher and podcaster on most social media as @akajustmerry.

Follow Xander Khoury on Instagram here.