Every Single ‘House Of The Dragon’ Wig, Ranked
Drink every time you see a half-up, half-down do.
If there’s one sure-fire takeaway from House of the Dragon, it’s that not one of those Targaryens is a natural blonde.
House of the Dragon, the Game of Thrones prequel about the Targaryens, is finally here. Set almost 200 years before the events of Game of Thrones, the series follows Daenerys’s four times great-grandfather at the height of his reign on the iron throne.
But with many Targaryens comes the need for many white blonde wigs, and boy, there are certainly some wigs — all of which have been roasted online.
So, without further ado, here is my official ranking of the wigs and wig styling in House of the Dragon‘s season premiere; from “best” to worst.
1. Arguably, Best
This is the wig or platted up-do Rhaenyra Targaryen sports for her uncle’s tournament and, later, her princess coronation. While the wig still very much looks like intricately dyed rope twine, it’s at the very least, fashioned into a nice style. It could — if you were squinting from a distance — even be her real hair.
2. The Next Best, I Guess
To get through this list, I recommend drinking every time you see this style. I guess it’s an unspoken rule that the Targaryens must wear their hair half pulled back. Dany rocked the look for more than six seasons of Game Of Thrones and it seems her ancestor will too. This is number two because it’s one of the few times the wig seems to line up with the actor’s hairline. If only it didn’t look exactly like the wig I bought that one time to dress up as Lady Gaga.
3. Next Up: I See The Vision, But….No
The revelation that there were Targaryens of colour sure is something, considering the family has always been written as notoriously obsessed with “blood purity.” Kudos to the stylists for this platinum loc wig, even if it is styled uniformly in the Targaryen half up. It may not look entirely convincing but Steve Toussaint makes it look sufficiently regal.
4. Whatever…This Is
Aemma Targaryen (Sian Brooke) bares the burden of the heaviest, most gut-wrenching scene of the episode. She also bares the burden of that bird’s nest on her head that seems to have……multiple hairlines.
5. Take A Drink Every Time Someone Sports A Half-Up, Half-Down, Lads
I do not know what this child did to deserve being adorned with what I can only describe as one of the wigs they rejected for Halle Berry’s Storm in the early ’00s X-Men films. But she’s being so brave about it. It’s like a dyed Weird Al wig.
6. Please, Make It Stop
Did the wig stylists know they were styling a wig to look realistic and not a very hairy silver hat? Asking for a friend. It’s giving, “I woke up and thought Gandalf’s beard would make a great toupée.”
7. I Just Wanna Talk
Again, what did this kid do to deserve this? Are the hair stylists all white? Do they not know what Black hair looks like? Who okayed this? Why are everyone’s eyebrows not dyed to match their hair? Why can I literally see natural hair under the wig? At least it’s not a half-up, half-down do. Variety is the spice of life.
8. A Wig Fit For A King, Allegedly
King Viserys needs some anti-frizz, but not as much as he needs some lube to unglue that blonde stringy corpse off his forehead. Take another drink for the half-do, and a moment of silence for the fact that not one stylist on this multi-million dollar show thought it was a good idea to dye people’s eyebrows.
9. I Like To Think It’s A Metaphor
That’s it, take a big drink for this one. Princess Rhaenys Targaryen is the queen who never was, after her hopes for the throne were dashed by sexism. I chose to believe the pointy unnatural beast atop her head is a metaphor for the crown she never got to wear. Her hair is higher than the hopes of ruling her family’s prejudice killed, and has about as much as allure as a plastic pot plant in a GP’s waiting room.
10. Finally, It’s So Bad It’s Good…For Setting On Fire
This show is really for folks who watched Matt Smith play Prince Philip in The Crown and thought, “it’d sure be cool to see him do this exact thing, but decked out like he’s on his way to the country renaissance fair.” I don’t know if it’s uncomfortable stiffness, the straw-like straightness, or the hairline that reminds me of Rubin’s vase optical illusion — but I suppose it’s something that the House of the Dragon stylist reserved their worst of wigs for the most deplorable of Princes. Prince Daemon is giving yassified Geralt of Rivia, and serving dollar-store Legolas realness.
Should the quality of postiche continue; we may update the ranking as the show goes on. Suffice to say, The House of the Dragon producers were truly bold to make a show about fire-breathing dragons while decking out their cast’s heads with polymer.
House of the Dragon is available on Foxtel and streaming on Binge.