The Most Aggressively Horny Music Videos Of The 2000s
Prepare to pour cold water over yourself.
You’d be hard pressed to find a hornier decade in music than the 2000s.
Every genre seemed bent towards sex, from the R&B-influenced pop on the charts to the sweaty house disco that was populating the clubs. Then, of course, there were the music videos.
We’ve taken a look back and pulled out the most ridiculously horny music videos of the 2000s. And to be clear — we’re not just talking about sexy music videos. Sexy can imply restraint, or coyness — rather, we’re looking back at those music videos that sought to exploit our most primal desires, that laid bare their intention to get us as hot under the collar as possible. Straight up, horny aggression.
Get stuck into them below, and prepare to douse yourself in cold water when you’re done.
Kylie Minogue — ‘Slow’
There I was, watching Rage on a Saturday morning sometime in 2003, when Kylie Minogue’s ‘Slow’ slid onto the screen. I’m not sure quite how it happened, my eyes might have widened slightly, and the hair on the back of my neck may have stood up, but from then on…I was changed.
There’s not much to seriously unpack about the Australian legends arguably sexiest video — it’s sweaty, it’s slow, it contains plentiful close ups of hips and butts — in fact, you don’t even need to think about it at all.
Eric Prydz — ‘Call On Me’
One of the most infamous music videos of all time, Prydz’s drippingly sexual ‘Call On Me’ clip was so scandalous former British PM Tony Blair allegedly fell off a rowing machine the first time he saw it play in a gym.
It’s aggressively horny and primal, all sweating, tanned bodies and high-cut, skin-tight leotards. Even today, it feels almost too much.
“In pre-production, in shooting, in post production, even in editing, I don’t think anyone really felt it was over the top, or extraordinary or even erotic,” director Huse Monfaradi told Vice in an excellent piece from 2016. Would be interesting to find out what Monfaradi does think is over the top.
Tim Deluxe feat. Sam Obernik — ‘It Just Won’t Do’
Beach volleyball is the horniest sport, hands down. People in tight swimwear batting balls over a net while sweaty? It’s ridiculous. Also ridiculous is the fact that after all these years, the trumpet line within ‘It Just Won’t Do’ still gets stuck in my head on a regular basis.
This video might just win the (hotly contested) award in this list for the most amount of bum shots.
Benny Benassi — ‘Satisfaction’
In which the director pushes the ‘tool’ metaphor so far you can’t even see it anymore.
Christina Aguilera — ‘Dirrty’
In which the singer spectacularly sheds her previous Girl Next Door image and becomes a sweaty cage fighter.
112 — ‘Peaches And Cream’
It might surprise you to learn that 112 are still going strong after over two decades in the music game. They’re now a duo, not a quartet, but they’re still very much singing about loving ladies — their latest single ‘Spend It All’ (released this year) is touted as an “ode to women”.
But for most audiences, they’ll forever be known for 2001 bop ‘Peaches And Cream’ which was accompanied by one of the most aesthetically ’00s videos of all time.
The Pussycat Dolls — ‘Buttons’
Rumour has it that if you mutter the word ‘buttons’ three times in the mirror, the Pussycat Dolls will appear and stride towards you like in the first minute of this music video.
Everything about this is horny — the lyrics begging to loosen up buttons, the way Nicole Scherzinger tosses off her sweatshirt at the minute-mark. The only drawback is clearly none of these women know what a barre class is.
Holly Valance — ‘Kiss Kiss’
Holly Valance’s short flirtation with music after her Neighbours career didn’t result in a packed back catalogue. Rather, Valance struck gold with ‘Kiss Kiss’ — a cover of the track ‘Şımarık’ by Turkish balladeer Tarkan — and didn’t really bother doing anything else to follow up it.
And why would she? The song, and its accompanying video complete with dripping wet hair and Valance rolling around on a giant pair of lips, was enough to cement her place in Australian music history.