Hollywood Just Voted For The Best Unproduced Screenplays Of The Year, And A Few Of Them Sound Insane

Earlier today, the annual Black List was voted on by over 250 film executives, revealing the best unproduced screenplays that have been circling Hollywood for much of the year. In the past, the announcement has proved a breeding ground for bigtime careers and international box office success, with films like Juno, Argo, The King’s Speech and Slumdog Millionaire all beginning their journey into awards season after being highlighted by the list.

This year, a total of 72 scripts made the cut. Among them, eleven are biopics, five are about Hollywood, three feature terminally-ill teenagers, two are about the making of Jaws, and one’s oddly pitched as “Macbeth meets The Departed“. Andrew Sodroski’s Holland, Michigan — a screenplay about “a traditional Midwestern woman who sparks an amateur investigation of her husband, after suspecting him of infidelity” — received the most votes.

Sure, that sounds like a cute festival favourite, right? Maybe get the Coens to direct it and stick Fargo‘s Frances McDormand in there and you could have a potential Oscar winner. Some of the other shortlisted titles sound pretty nuts, though.

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Frisco
Written by: Simon Stephenson
“A forty-something pediatric allergist, who specializes in hazelnut and is facing a divorce, learns lessons in living from a wise-beyond-her-years terminally-ill 15-year-old patient when she crashes his weekend trip to a conference in San Francisco.”

Finally, a buddy-movie opportunity for Paul Giamatti and Tavi.

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Patient Z
Written by: Michael Le
“In a post-apocalyptic world full of zombies, a man who speaks their language questions the undead in order to find a cure for his infected wife.”

All I can see is Liam Neeson repeatedly punching zombies.

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Shovel Buddies
Written by: Jason Mark Hellerman
“Over twenty four hours, four teenage friends try to complete the ‘Shovel List’ left for them by their best friend before he died of leukemia.”

I wonder how much of the ‘Shovel List’ involves gym change rooms and boobs?

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A Monster Calls
Written by: Patrick Ness
“An adolescent boy with a terminally-ill single mother begins having visions of a tree monster, who tells him the truths about life in the form of three stories, helping him to eventually cope with his emotions over his dying mom.”

Let’s all have a terminally-ill movie marathon!

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Sweetheart
Written by: Jack Stanley
“A young hitwoman tries to escape the business but finds herself in more danger after a high school reunion and a one night stand.”

Aubrey Plaza, obviously.

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Free Byrd
Written by: Jon Boyer
“After being diagnosed with dementia, a retired 50-something stunt motorcyclist sets out to perform one last jump.”

Johnny Depp’s wackiest role yet!

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Superbrat
Written by: Eeric Slovin, Leo Allen
“Temperamental tennis champion John McEnroe is sucked into a dangerous and ludicrous law enforcement sting during Wimbledon in 1980.”

I can’t tell if this is based on a crazy true story or not, but it’ll no doubt have a lot of headbands in it.

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Diablo Run
Written by: Shea Mirzai, Evan Mirzai
“While on a  road trip to Mexico, two best friends are forced to enter a thousand-mile death race with no rules.”

Paul Walker would’ve been great in this. Too soon?

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Fully Wrecked
Written by: Jake Morse, Scott Wolman
“An R-rated talking car from the ’80s is brought back into service and teamed up with the son of his former partner, a befuddled cop looking to earn his stripes.”

Sigh, this is why Hasselhoff will never be out of a job.

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Sovereign
Written by: Geoff Tock, Greg Weidman
“A man goes to space to destroy the ship that, upon going sentient, killed his wife.”

All I can see is Liam Neeson repeatedly punching a boat.

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Gay Kid & Fat Chick
Written by: Bo Burnham
“Two high school misfits become costumed vigilantes and take out their frustrations on the students who have bullied them throughout high school.”

Is this a sequel to Mean Girls? I hope this is a sequel to Mean Girls.

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Read the full shortlist here, sharpen your pencils, and get inspired to start scribbling your masterpieces. Remember, terminally-ill teens are so hot right now.