Hijack The Streets: What’s your weirdest Tinder tale?

Tinder dates can be a lonely walk in the desert. You’re looking for an oasis, but all you get is an old rhino carcass, amiright? Bad metaphors aside, we asked you to give us your most cringe worthy Tinder dates, and you did not disappoint.

Charlotte, 22, student

I went on a Tinder date in London two years ago. I met him at a pub and we watched the AFL grand final at like 4am or something horrid. He got absolutely trashed, and I had to take him back to his house and get him cleaned up because he lived alone. Literally throwing up everywhere, I had to put him in the shower fully clothed because I didn't want to undress him. I was just looking after him for hours. I ended up staying the night and cooking him food when he woke up, and we never spoke again!

Cecillia, 23, student 

I spent a solid five minutes telling a guy about how I feel really uncomfortable in the free weights area of the gym ‘cause it's always full of dudes who stare at you or themselves in the mirror. His response was to laugh and say that if girls wear tight clothes to the gym, they're asking to be stared at, and that he really likes watching girls. After the date, when I told him in very clear terms I wasn't interested, he spent the next two weeks sending unreciprocated texts asking me why I didn't want to be “just friends” with him.

Aggie, 28, writer

I chatted with a guy, then we ended up getting into some argument, and I ended up un-matching him. A couple of months later, we matched again. He apologised profusely for offending me and offered to take me out to dinner to make it up to me.

He messaged me at around 5pm that afternoon to confirm our plans. We would meet at 8pm at a very fancy ceviche bar in the CBD. I carefully selected a cute but sexy but classy but bold outfit, and braved the rain as I made my way to the city to get my free meal.

It was the kind of place where you sit at the bar first before you're seated at a table. The waiter took my coat and put it away. I had only seen places like this in Sex and the City.

I waited nervously for my date. Forty-five minutes had ticked by before I resigned myself to the fact that for the first time in my life I had been stood up. I called my bestie and arranged to meet at our local bar to drink until I felt desirable again (two bottles). I resisted the urge to send him an abusive text.

Wasn't I glad I kept my cool, when two days later I received a message from his sister explaining that her brother was sorry for standing me up. He had actually been hit by a car while he was riding his bike home that afternoon. They even sent me a hospital selfie featuring head bandage, slings and plasters. I was hoping that this would be my While You Were Sleeping moment, [but] alas, he was too ill for visitors and I am still horribly alone.

Sarah, 22, student

I was talking to a guy on Tinder from a different town who seemed pretty cool. We decided to meet up at a festival we were both going to. We talked lots, and he set up a really cute date backstage with food and rum. Me and my friend were going to the town where he lived and he offered for us to stay with him. We got there and he'd set up his bedroom for us, AKA a dirty bloodstained mattress on the ground, in a room that had stuff everywhere.

I woke up to him standing over me in the darkness breathing really heavily. He then got in his cupboard and started chanting to himself. He had woken us both up, and we locked eyes silently, absolutely terrified. He stayed in the cupboard for ages. We left as soon as it was light.

Jess, 27, public servant

I am the shittiest Tinder date. My date’s boredom seemed apparent, so I made friends with two guys at the bar. I was certain she was unimpressed due to the tasteless conversation, not the fact they had joined us.

The guys wanted to go to Revolver, and I assured the girl that she was not obligated to come.

She insisted after one guy said, “That’s the 7/11 I got arrested in because I couldn’t get out of the foetal position on the floor, because I took too much acid and thought the same seven seconds was repeating.”

We got some MD and she looked at me, annoyed, and said, "I ‘took weed’ in Amsterdam once," so I promised myself I’d take care of her. She had said earlier how much she hated drugs.

I end up cuddling one of the guys on the couch for ages while she sat on the armrest.

Eventually, she asked me to go home with her. I asked the guys loudly enough (accidentally) for her to hear: “Why?! She’s having such a terrible time!”

We got into bed, then I refused to be close to her because it was hot. I was rubbing her back when I found a hole in it. I continue unfazed … before I realised I was rubbing her belly.

Cait Kelly

Cait Kelly studies journalism at La Trobe University.