HAIM Used To Be In A Manufactured Pop Group Called ‘Valli Girls’

HAIM’s debut LP, Days Are Gone, came out at the end of last month. It is a truly excellent album. It entered the UK charts at #1 overnight, ahead of Justin Timberlake and Drake. Quietus called it “suspiciously perfect”. NME called it “one of the best pop albums you’ll hear all year”. Pitchfork gave it an 8.3.

With the album rising to #2 on the Australian charts this week, it feels about time to remind the world about Valli Girls: a manufactured pop girl group that formed in 2004, featuring two of the three Haim sisters.

The punk one up top is Este. The hippy one on the couch is Danielle. They are surrounded by the nice Asian one, the black hip hop one, and the sassy Costa Rican.

Este and Danielle now look like this:

The music of Valli Girls was mostly awful power-pop with a few ballads thrown in — and, of course, their own theme song: ‘Valli Nation‘.

This song is called ‘Perfect Girl’. Danielle seems to be channeling Alanis Morissette in a pretty big way.

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This song is called ‘Born To Lead’, and it is terrible.

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This one soundtracked the opening credits to a kids’ show called Trollez. It is called ‘It’s A Hair Thing’, and it is about the colour pink, and Generation Y-Not-Have-Fun: “We never give up / Never stopping / We conquer evil, then go shopping!”

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And finally, ‘Don’t Gotta’. It is about positive body image and holding onto your virginity to keep a man’s respect, ladies.

That rap breakdown came from the one who looks like an eight-year-old, who implores you to “keep it in your pants”.

You’re welcome.