Grand Theft Auto V Finally Breaks The Glass Ceiling For Swarthy, Overweight Men In Gaming
Let's take a closer look at the new gameplay trailer that was released today.
Gather round nerds, because today is a big day in gaming: after months of anticipation, we’re getting our first substantial look at the world of Grand Theft Auto V. Developer Rockstar Games released a video earlier today offering players an overview of the gameplay and characters, and it looks… just like a Grand Theft Auto game. That’s definitely not a bad thing.
The GTA series is the standard bearer for sandbox-based mayhem, combining amoral behaviour with American Psycho-level social satire. Based on the new footage, GTA V stays true to the spirit of the older games, while making enough changes to the basic gameplay and mechanics to keep things interesting.
For one, the game features three playable protagonists. They’re all swarthy looking dudes — in the bros before hoes world of GTA, women seldom get to shoot guns, boost cars or have any real fun — but the ability to switch between all three during heist missions will hopefully make for more tactical gameplay.
In the mission displayed in the video, one rappels down the side of an office block for what looks like a kidnapping, a second covers him with a sniper rifle, and a third flies the getaway chopper. Just imagine GTA IV’s epic ‘Three Leaf Clover’ bank robbery mission from multiple vantage points.
Another big change is the mini map — what used to be a circle in the top corner of the screen is now a sleek-looking rectangle, with planes that shift as the characters move about. It looks a little like the newer iPhone maps, although hopefully it doesn’t glitch out as horribly and leave you stranded in a lake.
Speaking of which, the trailer also shows one of the characters diving underwater — a definite improvement on Nico’s somewhat comical dog paddle in GTA IV. It goes without saying that the sadists at Rockstar will hide a bunch of bonus items in obscure underwater areas, and that you’ll pull at least one all-nighter trying to find them.
In the bottom right hand corner of the screen, a series of bars show each character’s attributes, presumably so they can be levelled up. These include ‘Stealth’ and ‘Flying’ as well as ‘Lung Capacity’, which I hope indicates the character’s ability to belt out songs like Tom Jones, but probably applies to things like running and swimming.
When you’re not shooting up office towers, flushing body parts down toilets and arguing with drug dealers, teenagers and various other ingrates, it seems like there are still a lot of diversions and ways to fill your time.
You know, like buying medical marijuana…
Pimping your ride out…
Playing golf…
Watching this lady do yoga…
Objectifying swarthy men…
Carving up pristine wilderness trails on quad bikes…
…and of course, enjoying some of that trademark, unsubtle GTA social satire, as seen on this billboard and likely on a million others throughout the game.
Oh yeah, and rumours are unconfirmed at this point, but you may even get to drive around in cars and such.
Grand Theft Auto V is out September 17. The sensible adult in me is shaking his head but the 14-year-old kid is shouting ‘FUCK YEAH, BRING IT ON!’