People Did Not Like That Golden Globes Opening Monologue
It’s been eight days of 2024, and my annual limit of second-hand cringe has already been maxed out thanks to Jo Koy’s decidedly unpopular opening monologue at this year’s Golden Globes.
Look, I know it’s a tough gig. Stand-up comedy seems like the most terrifyingly vulnerable act at the best of times. Pair that with a room full of the biggest stars in Hollywood at a glamorous awards ceremony celebrating its greatest achievements in an industry that’s also rife with controversies, including the biggest strike in decades, and, well, that’s a lot to juggle.
Before we run through some of the icy reactions to Koy’s misfired jokes, it should be noted that he only scored the gig 10 days ago. While that probably should earn some sympathy points, it quickly became one of many excuses that Koy threw out during the doomed monologue that has since received a bunch of criticism.
Let’s see what’s got everyone so riled up.
“I’m just taking this all in, I’m so excited to be here. This is a dream come true.”
It started off strong with some appreciation of the event and the people in the room, which I fear may have been Koy’s downfall. You can be an adoring fan, or you can be a snarky no-holds-barred critic, but swapping between the two gave me whiplash.
“I loved Oppenheimer. I just got one complaint: needed another hour. My new year’s resolution for 2024 is to finish Oppenheimer in 2025.”
Honestly, this was pretty funny. It’s a long, long movie. The crowd is enjoying it for now, and we’re mere minutes away from the first disaster.
“Oppenheimer and Barbie are competing for cinematic box office achievement. Oppenheimer is based on a 721-page Pulitzer Prize winning book about the Manhattan Project. And Barbie is on a plastic doll with big boobies.”
Sir, not in the year of Barbie. Surely there’s a better joke to make here, rather than resorting to the tired old misogyny that Barbie, in fact, actively tries to dismantle. I seriously can’t tell if the point of the movie was completely missed, or it’s a super meta joke that’s meant to be lazy and misogynistic. Either way, it didn’t quite land.
“I don’t want you guys to think that I’m a creep but it was kinda weird being attracted to a plastic doll. There’s something about your eyes, Ryan.”
This was cute, ish. The ol’ switcheroo to compliment the male actor for his looks.
“And Margot, it’s not always about you.”
See, now it got weird again. And Margot’s little head shake feels like when someone you barely know starts being mean to you as a joke, and you’re just not at that level of friendship yet. It just didn’t really work.
“Some I wrote, some other people wrote. Robert De Niro’s here! Yo, I got the gig 10 days ago. You want a perfect monologue? Yo, shut up. You’re kidding me, right? Slow down. I wrote some of these, and they’re the ones you’re laughing at. Robert De Niro’s here, I’m sorry, I’m a fan! I’m fanning out!”
I think this fun little rant just about sums up the gist of the whole thing. The rapid switch up from Robert De Niro fanboy, to blaming the short timeframe, to defending his own jokes over ones from other writers — it was chaos. And not in the fun, charming way of last year’s queen of the Golden Globe speeches, Jennifer Coolidge.
“The one thing I learned about [Killers of the Flower Moon] is that white people stole everything… You took the land, you took the oil, you took the premise of the movie. What, that was your premise? That’s hilarious, I don’t care. It’s just that the room is really white.”
Oof, this one hurt. The joke itself is actually pretty good. While Killers of the Flower Moon is a stunning film, there was indeed some criticism that it still centred whiteness, as described by Christopher Cote who worked as an Osage language consultant on the film.
But the delivery! Yes, it’s certainly worth pointing out the lack of diversity in Hollywood. It’s been done before, and it was done throughout the rest of this year’s ceremony too. I cackled when Simu Liu and Issa Rae talked about wanting to play “white people roles”, and when the nominees for best non-English language film were described as “white people and Greta Lee”. But Koy leading his joke with “that’s hilarious, I don’t care” ended up feeling a little petty.
The rest of the set was not completely terrible. But the initial jokes missing the mark, and Koy’s growing defensiveness sealed his fate as deliverer of one of the most cursed monologues we’ve endured in a while. At least we got to see Meryl Streep do the “Wakanda Forever” pose, for some reason.
