The Star Signs As Girl Dinner
By now, you’ve heard of Girl Dinner; the subtle rebranding of ‘depression meals’ where we just chuck together whatever low-effort slop we can find and call it a day.
Personally, I’m a snacker, a forager, a collector of bits and pieces — I’m a fan of Girl Dinner. Applying this concept to the zodiac, I’ve got some thoughts of what I’d feed the signs if they came round to mine for a spot of girl dins.
Aries: March 20th – April 19th
The dins: A sippy cup filled with Fireball and dino nugs.
The diagnosis: For the baby of the zodiac, I couldn’t think of anything more fitting than this intersection of chaos.
Taurus: April 20th – May 20th
The dins: Truffle gold flake mac & cheese and a big glass of pinot noir.
The diagnosis: For the luxury-loving homebody Taurus, this feels right.
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Gemini: May 21st – June 21st
The dins: A pack of gum and a half-price chocolate Santa from the servo.
The diagnosis: For an on-the-go Gemini with an incredibly short attention span, a total disregard for their taste buds and no bloody time to spare. Get ya grub and go, pal.
Cancer: 21st June – 22nd July
The dins: Single serve lemon tart and a barely-drunk can of Monster.
The diagnosis: For the unpredictable, selfish and threatening energy of a Cancer.
Leo: 23rd July – 22nd August
The dins: A seven-foot-tall chocolate fountain.
The diagnosis: Centre of attention, constant flow and everyone at the party is fucking stoked that they’re there: Leo is the choccy fountain of the zodiac and that’s just facts. (This was fact-checked by an actual Leo, they agreed.)
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Virgo: 23rd August – 22nd September
The dins: Hot chippies lined up in size order with tomato sauce in a little pot on the side.
The diagnosis: Going beyond the detail-oriented trope of a Virgo, I just reckon they’d love the idea of having total control of dipping the chips. And all Virgos love tomato sauce.
Libra: 23rd September – 22nd October
The dins: Room temp canapés snaffled into a tissue from someone’s wedding.
The diagnosis: Libras have a stacked schedule swanning from one event to another, this is their only form of sustenance. One min they’re rocking a humble finger sammie, the next they’re shovelling down vol-au-vents by the handful — whatever’s going.
Scorpio: 23rd October – 21st November
The dins: Bowl of nails and cow’s milk with a boxed riesling.
The diagnosis: Speaks for itself. You know what you did.
Sagittarius: 22nd November – 21st December
The dins: Corn chips, extra spicy salsa, jelly straight from the container and a Maccas frozen coke.
The diagnosis: This spread is fit for a Sagittarius, and they’re scoffing it all down and spilling shit everywhere, while watching a show and talking over it instead of turning down the volume. In an endearing way of course.
Capricorn: 22nd December – 19th January
The dins: Nitro cold brew, a cig and a brick of tofu.
The diagnosis: Raw-dogging life, just the way a Capricorn likes it. And they’ll never break eye contact the entire time.
Aquarius: 20th January – 18th February
The dins: Butter on toast, sparkling water with extra extra bubbles and an edible.
The diagnosis: Just let us do what we want.
Pisces: 19th February – 20th March
The dins: A fresh press green juice and an entire Victoria Sponge cake.
The diagnosis: Giving duality, inner-conflict and letting the vibes dictate what’s for girl dinner.