The Internet Is Mocking A Call For Less ‘Fortnite’ And More ‘Fort Night’
The Wall Street Journal's opinion piece on childhood and Fortnite doesn't hold a candle to the internet's reactions to the article.
Since time immemorial, older generations have looked at younger generations, shaken their heads, and muttered phrases starting with “when I was your age”. Each new generation resolves to be different, but then the printing press is invented and they find themselves saying, “When I was your age, we trusted the monks to interpret the Lord’s Word for us.”
Yesterday, the Wall Street Journal published an opinion piece entitled ‘A Young Imagination Beats Videogames’.
In the declaration of advanced age, attorney Mike Kerrigan expresses pity for his 10- and eight-year-old sons, under the impression that their games of Fortnite cannot possibly be as fun as “the real thing”.
“Fortnite doesn’t hold a candle to my boyhood games of ‘fort night’,” reads the article’s subheading.
Kerrigan proceeds to wistfully recall his idyllic ’80s childhood, full of things such as riding his bike to 7-Eleven for Slurpees and building forts with friends. This, says Kerrigan, is the right and proper way to have a childhood.
“I hope my boys never lose sight of life’s simple joys. I hope someday they have their own stories to tell and look back as fondly on their childhood as I do on mine,” writes Kerrigan. “But for that to happen they’ll need to play less Fortnite this summer, and more fort night.”
Readers have been quick to mock Kerrigan’s rose-coloured retrospective, as well as his apparent lack of understanding regarding both video games and children. Apparently no video game can hold a candle to any “boyhood games”, no matter what either might be.
The Legend of Zelda doesn't hold a candle to my boyhood games of entering the homes of my neighbors and destroying their pottery.
— Will Standish Takes Photos (@wbmstandish) June 25, 2019
tetris doesn’t hold a candle to my boyhood games of sinking lower and lower into the backseat of my car as my parents argue about how my dad is packing the trunk
— Matt S. (@staticstruck) June 25, 2019
Mortal Kombat doesn’t hold a candle to my boyhood days as a serial killer. No video game can ever match that real-life feeling of ripping a whole spine out of a man’s neck hole or holding his still-beating heart in your hands as he collapses to the ground.
— Rob Sheridan (@rob_sheridan) June 25, 2019
Tetris doesn’t hold a candle to my boyhood game Tetanus where we stabbed each other with rusty nails.
— Austin Gilkeson ? ? (@osutein) June 25, 2019
pokémon doesn't hold a candle to my boyhood games of "make a snake fight a duck"
— andrew webster (@A_Webster) June 25, 2019
Fortnite doesnt hold a candle to my boyhood games of "seeing how many times you can masturbate in one day"
— Chad ''Cruel Angel's Dissertation'' Vigorous (@PrettyBadLefty) June 25, 2019
Facebook doesn’t hold a candle to my boyhood hobby of putting my face in a book https://t.co/KjJfsedHCy
— Kirk A. Bado (@kirk_bado) June 25, 2019
Snapchat doesn’t hold a candle to my favorite boyhood activity, having a chat with my parents
— ☕netw3rk (@netw3rk) June 25, 2019
Candy Crush doesn’t hold a candle to my boyhood crush on an imaginary girl named Candy https://t.co/7OwuzfIGlm
— Ben Silverman (@ben_silverman) June 25, 2019
call of duty doesn't hold a candle to my boyhood games of 'fighting in world war II'
— raina douris (@RahRahRaina) June 25, 2019
Civilization doesn’t hold a candle to my boyhood games of conquering my neighbors, taking over their houses, and sending their excess food back to my homeland.
— Elie Mystal (@ElieNYC) June 25, 2019
The Sims doesn’t hold a candle to my boyhood games of trapping people with limited verbal skills in a torture chamber of my own design and watching them use the bathroom until they burn themselves to death trying to cook a turkey. https://t.co/4OSaYxqtDz
— Geppetto San Martín (@SmalltimeJones) June 25, 2019
family feud doesn't hold a candle to my boyhood game: feuding with my family https://t.co/s9CrBXWSpi
— Steadman™ (@AsteadWesley) June 25, 2019
Red Dead Redemption doesn't hold a candle to my boyhood games of stealing wagons and dying of tuberculosis. https://t.co/F7TFtcX9zJ
— Luc Tremblay (@LuctCTV) June 26, 2019
Minecraft doesn't hold a candle to my boyhood game of "mining coal at age 12" https://t.co/rojkGPywn6
— ᵃˡᵉˣᵃⁿᵈᵉʳ (@Blvckedout) June 25, 2019
Texting doesn’t hold a candle to my boyhood communicating of quill and parchment https://t.co/fVPp0aLPst
— MikeDyson (@LordZexySwami) June 25, 2019
Fortnite doesn’t hold a candle to my boyhood games of “Not perpetually feeling the need to disconnect from the horrific reality of growing fascism and ever rising chance of dying in a school shooting”
— Alkaline (@AlkalineJuices) June 25, 2019
https://t.co/Kb3dq0VbLF pic.twitter.com/QaVE0UOGYW
— KB (@Kellenbeck) June 25, 2019
There’s no shortage of parents wistfully remembering their younger years, and condemning video games such as Fortnite as the work of the Deceiver. However, trying to shape a 2019 childhood to look like a 1980 childhood is a futile exercise, and more likely to foster misunderstanding and resentment than a happy and well-adjusted child.
There is more than one way to have a joy-filled childhood, and makeshift forts can’t hold a candle to a parent taking an interest in their child’s passions.