Pre-drinking is a nebulous pastime that Australian students have managed to distil into a precise science. Getting as drunk as possible, with the fewest drinks available and the loudest music the neighbours will allow have been the order of the day throughout my degree – but I just can’t do it anymore.

I’m in my final year, and I’ve come to the terms with the fact that Fruity Lexia might not be making me sexier. Pres are great, but we need to start drinking smarter, not harder.

Here are some of the best (and cheapest) ways to level up your pre-drinks, while also making sure you end up at the place you’re pre-ing for.

Cheap Wine

Let’s face it, goon’s a young man’s game. If you’re still concocting goon cocktails in the hopes of being able to tell your friends that you can “barely taste the dry white man” and you’re not a first year, then stop. Immediately.

I get the appeal, I really do. Yes it’s an iconic symbol of kitschy Australiana. Yes playing ‘goon of fortune’ while you do your best Andrew O’Keefe impression is a barrel of laughs and yes it works out to 36.432 cents a standard! But at what cost (as in, to your body)?

We live in an age where you can buy award-winning wines at Aldi. You don’t have any excuses left. It may seem more expensive, but the increases in self-esteem? They’ll be priceless.

Put In Some Effort

This complaint is mainly aesthetic. First of all, just because you and your mates are pre-ing with red cups, doesn’t mean you have a frat-house ‘rager’ on your hands. Unless you’ve got a team together for the Beer Pong Regionals, you can put the red cups away, and just go for clear plastic.

Secondly, what happened to garnishes? A gin and tonic without a lemon slice is just a sad looking soda water. Have a few oranges, lemons and limes handy, and garnish appropriately. I’m not saying you need to make a jug of Pimms every time you hit the town, but you’re sure to feel classier if you’re putting at least a little bit of effort into your drinks.

Live To Vom Another Day – Pace Yourself

If I transform into my spirit animal – the chunder dragon – before I even leave pre-drinks, it’s a sure sign that my night isn’t headed in the right direction. There are a few ways to rectify this. Fun fact: most people shouldn’t be able to skull a longneck and then feel fine. Although necking beers wins you plenty of lad points, it’s also an easy way to start hugging old mate toilet bowl.

Let’s be marathon runners, not sprinters! Spreading out your drinks means you can have more! To pace yourself, step one is to go to a bottle shop and buy a jigger (a fun word for a shot-measurer) which will help you keep track of your standards. Step two is to not get shit-faced.

They’re Called Pre Drinks For A Reason  

Here’s a bitter pill to swallow: if the most anticipated part of the night for you is the pre-drinks, you’re going to have a bad night. A lot of the time we forget the ‘pre’ that’s associated with pre-drinks. You’re supposed to be getting a buzz with some friends before heading off into the night for an adventure.

If you want to keep drinking and listening to music with your mates, then guess what? You should have a house party, friend. Either have a fun pre-drinks, or go full Corey Worthington, there’s no in-between.

(Lead image: Anchorman/Dreamworks)