Five Impassioned YouTube Defences Of Coldplay’s Terrible New Song

Coldplay released a new song over the weekend (their first in two years). It’s called ‘Atlas’, and it’s featured on the soundtrack to J-Law’s hip new kids’ movie, Hunger Games: Catching Fire. If I had to describe the song in a line, I’d say it’s basically the plinky sadness music you’d find featured on a TV ad about depression, but with more lyrics about dragons.

“It’s MOR music, to be sure, but Coldplay imbue it with a certain heartfelt bigness that isn’t to be overlooked,” said Spin, in an example of the decidedly mixed online reaction to the track.   Still, it’s already racked up a couple millions views on YouTube, which I guess means the fans are feeling it? Coldplay fans feel a lot of things; they’re deep people who listen to music with their hearts. Unfortunately, the rest of us still use our ears. Let’s see if they can convince us…

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1. 

Geez, Coldplay fans.

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2. 

The other day I listened to this Circle Jerks song and had the same reaction.

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3.

That would actually be a really good review, if it wasn’t completely wrong.

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4.

I don’t think twelve-year-olds should be allowed to have opinions; who’s with me?

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5. 

At last, some common ground. Well said, P Johnasaurus.

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