Everything You Need To Know About The Final Season Of How I Met Your Mother

Warning: if you’re not up to date in HIMYM, shit is about to get SPOILERED.

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In 2005, How I Met Your Mother debuted in America and introduced us to a guy called Ted Mosby and his much-vaunted story about how he met his wife. Through eight long seasons, his kids have sat with the kind of patience not even saints could muster as every little detail about life in his late 20s and 30s was spelled out. Now, on the cusp of the show’s ninth and final season, we finally have the end on the horizon.

In the post-Friends era, there (arguably) isn’t a more beloved show about a group of, well, friends, than HIMYM. And with Channel 7 fast tracking the show’s swansong, to Thursdays at 8pm, here’s everything you need to know about the upcoming final episodes that this writer is in no way, shape, or form emotionally prepared for.

Where Did We Leave Off?

HIMYM generally likes to use its season finales to bait huge, enormous, cliffhanging hooks that keep the audience both enthralled and infuriated during those long, cold off-seasons. But not even dedicated viewers saw coming the veritable web of juicy danglers that the final episode of season eight laid bare. So a quick recap of all the crossing paths is absolutely in order.

(*inhales deeply*)

Barney and Robin are 56 hours away from their wedding, and the entire gang is en route to the fictional hamlet of Farhampton to engage in the festivities. Ted has Robin’s “something old” locket (buried in Central Park by the soon-to-be Robin Sparkles, retrieved years later by a drunken Robin Scherbatsky, unknowingly landing in Ted’s possession by pure sitcom chance) ,and he has every intention of presenting it to her as a wedding gift, despite his still lingering feelings for her that the show insists on revisiting time-and-time-again. Still, he plans to attend the wedding and flee New York City to Chicago immediately after, a fact only known to Lily. Lily, for her part, is preparing to move to Rome for a year with husband Marshall and baby Marvin after accepting a position as art buyer for the mysterious man known only as The Captain (TV’s KYLE FREAKING MACLAUCHLAN, YOU GUYS). The only problem there is that Marshall accepted an eleventh hour offer to become a Judge in New York, but has yet to inform his wife.

And somewhere in the midst of all this, a cute, short girl carrying a yellow umbrella and a bass guitar case (all the tell-tale hallmarks of the erstwhile Mother that the show has spent eight years setting up) strolled up to a train station counter and bought a ticket to Farhampton.

Get it? Got it? Good. Phew.

Repeat: We Met The Mother

Maybe it wasn’t stressed enough in the above paragraph. We, the viewing audience, now know who the Mother is.  The yellow umbrella? The bass guitar case? The collision course with the rest of the gang?

We know that, at the best of times, the show likes to throw enormous last-second swerves at its audience — but if that doesn’t turn out to be the mother, hats will be eaten.

Fortunately for us, the Internet exists. We know that the actresses’ in question is Cristin Miloti, who in the past has had small roles in 30 Rock, The Sopranos, The Good Wife, and last year’s excellent film Sleepwalk With Me. We know that she has signed on as a series regular for the final season. And we know that, after having successfully kept one of TV’s biggest secrets, she’s now quite relieved to be able to talk about things (at least to a certain degree). Lock this one in, folks. This is the eponymous Mother.

But How Did Everyone Else Meet The Mother?

But just because we know who the Mother is, doesn’t mean that Ted’s path to her will now be a straight-up cakewalk.

What we do know is that the season will see every single other member of the core cast meeting the Mother before Ted does. How and in what order this occurs remains to be seen, but we do have all the major pieces of information in place. We know that it’s all going down at Barney and Robin’s wedding weekend in Farhampton. We also know that the Mother plays bass in the wedding band (though the jury’s still out as to what on earth a wedding band is doing rocking up to the venue two days prior to event). So the season will focus on everyone else meeting the Mother first, as well as, presumably, a series of additional near misses and potential ships-in-the-night-ing by Ted.

On that note, there is also potential to delve back into the history of the show, to revisit certain moments from the Mother’s perspective. We know that, on a number of occasions, Ted and the Mother have been in the same place at the same time without knowing it. So the possibilities to explore with a brand new core character are bigger and more interesting than to simply parade her in front of each existing character one-by-one. 24 episodes is a hell of a lot of time to fill.

Loose Ends Will Be Tied Up

After pushing through nine seasons of TV, you tend to pick up a fair amount of unanswered questions, and all too infrequently do shows get the opportunity to lay down every answer before bowing gracefully off the air. Fortunately for us, HIMYM has been granted this luxury — so expect to see a whole bunch of lingering storylines and plot elements dealt with.

Ted and Robin? Expect finality, at long, long last.

Barney’s slap debt? Expect it to be paid off in a glorious, face-reddening manner.

Robin Sparkles? Well, we don’t know for sure. But holy hell do we hope there’s one more video to be dug up from Canada’s TV archives.

Our fingers are also crossed for a slew of past characters to return. Particularly Lily’s lovelorn high school boyfriend Scooter (played by Neil Patrick Harris’ real life and totally adorable partner David Burtka. Seriously, have you seen this family? It’s too cute to be real. The feels. So many feels.)

A Season-Long Wedding

Past seasons have tended to loosely follow real-time spans in the lives of the characters, usually traversing about a year per season. Season nine breaks from that tradition by revolving almost exclusively around the weekend-long wedding festivities of Barney and Robin. Show creators Carter Bays and Craig Thomas have long held a set and solid plan for the show’s finale that takes place over the course of numerous episodes. So expect call-backs, flashbacks, intertwining story paths, swerves, misdirection, ruses, scams, cons, flim-flams, strategems and bamboozles, and the most amount of tears when the final credits roll. Hell, we might even see Ted’s kids finally get up off the couch, only to fall flat on their faces due to nine years of muscle atrophy.

One thing’s for sure, there’ll be a big hole in the TV landscape when the show finally heads off the air. But we’ll enjoy it while it lasts.

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Cam Tyeson is a Melbourne-based writer and comedian and will never have enough tears to adequately deal with this final season. Tweet your condolences to @camtyeson.